Today, all I can do is look at my cherub cheeked little boy and be thankful. Today is Asher’s third birthday, but he’ll tell you it isn’t actually his birthday but it IS Cinco de Mayo…not yet understanding that two things can occupy the same space at the same time.
Today, I remember visiting the used bookstore right by the hospital…buying books in the morning and selling them back in the evening. I’d grab anything Anne Lamott and just turn, turn the pages drowning out the beeps and buzzes monitoring how alive he was at any given moment.
Today, I remember the revolving door into the children’s hospital and the recording of the woman speaking Spanish warning us to wash our hands well and often.
Today, I remember how the nurses were (always are) the heroes of the NICU. Our first nurse, a 28 year veteran in the NICU who had literally seen life-changing advances in neonatal medicine during her career, had just come off of a year long self-imposed moratorium of caring for the very sickest of babies. She’d last lost a 24 weeker and couldn’t handle another loss for a long while. So, she just handled the growers/feeders for the past year…the babies who just needed a little leg-up to get started in life. We were her first case back after her break from the extra fragile babies and she fought fiercely for Asher.
Today, there is just nothing else I can think about. Just full to the brim with gratefulness.
I wrote a crazy hard post 2 years ago–and I can say this is the first year that I haven’t felt unsure of my footing during the first week of May. The blooms on the trees are just plain lovely, instead of a weird mix of beautiful and excruciating like things are when associated with a traumatic moment.
Today I’m celebrating with my buddy, grateful he’s with us.
Happiest Birthday, Sweet Asher. We’re so glad to have you.