photo by Jennifer Blair
For the past year and a half, my “public life” has appeared a little vague, and a lot just alluded to. What, in these modern times, does a writer do when God is changing her heart and life direction–but the how’s and the when’s are not all lined up, when change doesn’t come daily? When the ratty ends are not neatly wrapped up and the release isn’t there to shake and smooth it out like a picnic blanket all nice and ready for whatever comes.
During the first Influence Conference, God shook something loose that had been knocking around in Mike’s heart for years (decades? his whole life?). The idea that it has NEVER EVER been about chasing means or money or status or success. That any success we stumble upon should only be used to pour blessing upon blessing out on others. That maybe the way things have always been isn’t the way they should always be.
But, then, after that Holy Spirit whooshing realization…it was a lot of waiting. Mike works in a corporate job that he really enjoys, where he learns everyday, and where he genuinely gets to change the way some people work in their family owned businesses.
We believe that you can live out your call to love God and love others honorably in just about any job. Do it all unto the Lord. Yes? And that’s where we’ve been the last 18 months. Doing corporate life unto the glory of God. Driving long drives, having long meetings, and building someone else’s castle. But, this isn’t our forever.
In the meantime, I have also been working. But, my work is slow and ambles around 4 rowdy boys who need most of my everything. We have help, and I am so thankful. But, I still want to be a momma in most ways. I can’t gain the traction that we need (only want?) in order to make the next move without putting tons more hours in. But, at the same time, it feels like to that would be faithless disobedient striving on my part. Not that full-time working motherhood is disobedient in any sense, but for me, in this season…I sense that it would be.
We’re in this vague in between. And, I know that vague does not win readers. And I know that vague does not make you feel invited into the story. And I also promise that I wouldn’t be vague if I didn’t have to be vague. But, it feels like I do.
So, what does a modern writer do what the way God moves her heart isn’t a daily, quick paced, pinnable pace? I don’t write in traditional publishing world where I can write the long-form arch of the story and know that it will be conveyed well there. I write a (sometimes) daily blog where this is supposed to be compelling and lived out in real time.
If this blog was only about me (as I purposely made it for years), it would be easier to write. But, Mike and I have realized over the past 18 months that our life and our family is just meant to be lived out together. That our daily time will probably be spent more together than not. That our dreams and our roles and our functions are probably more aligned than delineated. But, we’re not there yet.
I’d write about a lot of other things, but honestly, the story of what God is doing in our family is the only one I have worth telling right now. I sense that we’re on the precipice of an exciting time. But, we’re waiting. We don’t yet have the go-ahead to leave the dock.
I want to take you on a grand journey. And, I know that the really juicy parts of any story are the ones that you know some viscerally you can almost feel yourself living them, too. Vagueness does not lend itself to excitement or intimacy or for feeling invited in. I realize that, I really really do–but, for now, this tiny glimpse is all I have to give. And I hold out hope that you’ll wait for me to share more. Because I will, and I want to.
In taking steps toward the life God is moving us towards, we’re selling our rental home in the Charlotte, North Carolina area. If you know of someone looking, I would be so grateful if you’d pass the info along. It’s a darling house with the most perfect layout. We loved living there for the years we did, and we’ve been blessed to have had amazing tenants since then. Wouldn’t it be fun to sell our house to someone who found it here? The Internet is so fun.