I am a go person. I like to move fast and I always think faster. Until about 6 weeks ago, Mike and I thought life was moving swiftly in a direction we’d been sensing for a couple of years. But then, it was a dead stop. And I mean a standstill.
It was excruciating for me. I felt itchy with disbelief and discontent. It was hard not to question if we’d been wrong, or what had changed? I’m sure you’ve been there? You felt strongly about a decision, and then it didn’t pan out for one reason or another. It’s almost like a tiny, itty, bitty twinge of grief to let go of where you saw yourself.
And like grief, it’s natural to ask all sorts of crazy faith questions that get to the bottom of what you really believe. I felt like we’d be making strides toward where we’d be led, and then all the sudden we were led to stop. And wait.
For me? It was like playing Follow the Leader as a kid–I was following along, excited about where I was being led, looking around at the flowers and birds…and then BAM. I straight up bumped into the leader, because the leader had stopped while I was busy looking around.
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Yesterday, I linked to an article on Twitter about the millennial’s fear of being ordinary. And, if I’m honest, I’ve feared being ordinary since I knew that ordinary was white bread and grape jelly. My greatest fear, even as a child, was to be unremarkable. I felt like I’d be letting everyone down if I didn’t live up to the potential that was spoken into my life.
And, where we live, where we grew up (because it’s where we grew up??), had begun to feel ordinary. Every day I drive past the same landmarks I passed when I could barely see out the backseat window and the same landmarks I barreled by when I learned to drive.
Since I was 14 years old I’ve lived my life in 3-4 year increments. High school, college, Charlotte, Indy…and that leaves us physically (psychically?) ready for change. We’ve been conditioned to grow ready to close one chapter and open another…right about…now.
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But, just stay and wait. Love right here. Love right now. Drive past that barn a few more times. Maybe go on in and see what’s going on in that interesting building down the road, the one that’s always buzzing with people. Choose to be ordinary, to drive a minivan, to be just another part in a quiet life and a sleepy town. Decide to plop down here until you’re led away.
Slow down and really see what has always just been the backdrop of your life that was going somewhere.