I feel like I should tell you something.
I don’t do it all. I can’t. I simply can’t. And…neither can you.
I assume you can’t. I assume that’s what your emails mean when you ask how I do it all.
I just want to make sure I’m not putting off a false impression. You know, bloggers can do that. They are like phenomenal wedding photographers, making life appear almost more beautiful than it really is. Carefully crafting the angles so things appear to be clean and crisp and well edited and impeccably styled.
my very real and unstyled kitchen.
Here is the list of what I don’t do:
I don’t buy organic. I know, right? How can I not? I don’t know. It seems overwhelming and I don’t know where to begin. It seems like an all or nothing deal, and I’m not ready to do it all. I grocery shop in 1 hour from door to door with my 3 kids. It needs to be fast, simple, and mostly no-brainer for me to get it done. Maybe someday I’ll tackle the whole “best” way to do things.
My kids wear simple and inexpensive clothes. They have jeans (shorts in the summer) and long-sleeve t-shirts (short sleeve in the summer). Any top can be worn with any bottom. They are not the stylish kids clothes I assumed my kids would wear…you know, before I had kids.
My house is NOT spotless. I prioritize some things higher than a spotless house. It is picked up (mostly), but not extraordinarily clean. The baseboards remain undusted more often than not. The windows need washing. The floors could stand to be swept (Nester tells me crumbs on the floor make her feel at home–such grace, that woman!). If I ever make superfluous money, it will go to a professional housecleaner.
My hair is in a bun or ponytail 9 times out of 10. I am not good at doing hair. I don’t spend a lot of time doing my hair. I don’t care, generally, about my hair. I want it out of my face and I want it to take less than 2 minutes to do. Looking overly cute in under 2 minutes is probably expecting too much.
I don’t get down on the floor and play much with my kids. I’ve always struggled with this as a mom (and that means most likely some of you have, too). How do stay-at-home moms actually play with their kids all day? Don’t Legos and monster trucks and cars get old? Instead, we do a craft or run an errand or read. Mostly, though, I encourage them to play together (and they ARE the best of friends) or I encourage them to find their own fun.
I wouldn’t make Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman or other personal finance gurus particularly proud. We are not debt free. We own 2 homes, due to relocation, and rent one of those homes to another family. We don’t have a billion month emergency fund. We are trying to make good decisions with 3 young boys, 1 new-ish big kid job, and a fledgling part-time whatever Tiny Twig is (a tiny empire??).
not an abnormal scene for our motley crew
There is so much grace in motherhood and womanhood. There are so many ways to be–and an equal number of ways not to be. Just because something is important to me–getting out an doing life with my boys, regardless of the hassle–it may not be important to you. Just because something is important to you–eating organic and amazingly pure food–it may not be important to me. You may be an impeccable housekeeper by nature, but you may not like to plan dinner. All is grace. All is grace. Hear me say, you ARE enough. You don’t have to do it all.
Now, surely you don’t have it all together either? Want to let us know what you don’t do? Please, please…let us know in the comments. Let’s have a lively conversation, a breath of fresh-air, and a LOT of grace in the comments. Women don’t/can’t/won’t ever be able to do it all.
…and…check back tomorrow for the exciting flipside to this post.
154 Comments on "i don’t do it all"
Well, there it is. It’s the classic give-and-take. You CAN’T do it all, and if you focus a lot on one area, something’s got to give somewhere else. I try to do a little of everything, without doing a whole lot of any one thing. I like things to be picked up, but I also need them to be somewhat clean too. One of the things I rarely do? Mop the kitchen floor. I hate mopping floors. I feel quite sure I wouldn’t mind it as much if it stayed clean for longer than 36 hours. But, alas, it does not. I’m also very bad at dusting our upstairs. We have a wee tiny little house and the dust simply has no where to spread out. It just doesn’t stay dust-free all that long, and mostly what we do is sleep up there.
One of the things I’m trying to get better at is balancing my time between my business and playing with the kids (and homeschooling them). It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the what-can-I-do-to-make-this-business-better mentality, and forget that God has given us these kiddos to raise and love on and they’re going to be around for a long time, this other stuff is so much more temporary and fleeting.
Thanks for sharing!
yes. this. our little people are only little for so long. i find that each family has their own unique way of interacting and making life feel good. i’m more of a spectator (mom! watch this! watch this replay {they reenact a monster truck crash or a karate move}!) than a boy-play participant. i think it is all about the push-n-pull, eh? :)
It’s hard for me to sit and play too. I’m glad I’m not the only one, that’s for sure! Although, I do struggle with feeling selfish at times. I’m not a “go” type of person, so my kids don’t get out a whole lot. PS. I also quit clipping coupons.
Blogging can definitely make you feel like you SHOULD do it all. I try to remember what my ONE THING is and what the most important things are to my family.
Yay for not doing it all! But for doing the things you do well!
a
yes, it is “what are the most important things to my family?”. each family is different. my particular husband happens to value a clean house a tiny bit more than i do…it’s a good reminder that to love him well i should put a tiny bit higher value on a clean not just picked up house.
You’re brave! :) We moms just can’t do it all. I have to agree with the playing part. I read them stories, cook or make crafts with them, occasionally play a game or something, but when it comes to imaginative play (which is most of the time) they are on their own!
i’m glad i’m not the only one. i think that was the one i was most nervous about admitting!
That’s my biggest struggle, too ;) Nope, you ladies are definitely not alone!
Loved this post!! Here’s mine….
I don’t volunteer for every activity under the sun at my daughter’s preschool like most of the other moms. I have a toddler in tow at all times so I have decided I can’t be the mom who does it all in that regard.
Thanks for sharing yours!
yes! we’re going to have to really limit the activities that our boys do outside of school and home–because i don’t want to be the family that runs all around the earth every night.
i don’t go on school field trips. don’t go to all the pta meetings. definitely don’t keep my home spotless. don’t ever finish laundry. don’t clip coupons.
don’t dethrone my to do list nearly enough.
don’t clip coupons! i don’t either! friend, you are a breath of fresh air.
ellen, i want to be just like you when i’m a mom!!!! :D
Yes, Yes and Amen!
I also skip the hairstyling 80% of the time in favor of a buns or ponytail. And I have a very simple wardrobe because shopping is not a priority for me, time-wise.
I don’t plan activities for my kids like crafts and such (well, not much–maybe once a week). For me these things are not much fun and require TONS of effort on my part, and it’s just. not. worth. it. For me.
i knew i liked you. ;)
And yet again, you speak the words right out of my own head & heart. Let’s just go ahead and admit that we are long lost twins and get it over with. You’re an incredible mother and I’m proud of your skills (or lack thereof) :)
maybe we can pretend to be each other every once in awhile so the other can take a vacation?? :) i like that plan.
This is my first time to your blog and I love it. I love your honesty in this post, especially because I feel like poop when I read some blogs and think “now why can’t I get it together and have a cute *whatever* like she does!”
I don’t clean my bathrooms and kitchen – I pay someone else to do that.
I don’t clip coupons. Or I clip them, put them in a drawer, and let them expire!!
i love that! glad to have you here. no perfection here…at least not perfection on a whole. :) i like to think i have really beautiful pockets of life and bits of time.
and i love that you start out with noble couponing intentions and then let them expire…that is something i would do.
Great post, Hayley. I feel like anytime someone else admits that they have debt and maybe don’t have a clue how to do a budget, well, they become my new best friend.
I don’t clean bathrooms nearly as often and I should.
I only vacuum when we have company coming over.
I don’t shave my legs. (Too honest?)
BTW- This post inspired me. I’m going to write up a “things I don’t do” post and link to it. The blogosphere always needs more honesty. :)
great idea! :)
http://atimetoeat.blogspot.com/2012/01/things-i-dont-do.html
no, i love this. :)
I don’t do crafts with my kids.
My house is almost always a disaster at least *somewhere*
I mop maybe once a month.
My hair is also in a ponytail or bun 99% of the time
My clothes are simple and I almost never accessorize my outfits because I hate shopping.
yes. my house is almost always a disaster at least TWO somewheres!
H-what a liberating moment! For you young mothers – take heart. My house was rarely spotless, crafts done very infrequently, and getting it together for work took A LOT of effort. And yet, my grown children have wonderful memories of love, hugs and happiness. And, by the way, who in the world was it that defined what we are “supposed” to be, anyway? According to my kids, and my life, right now (even though I did’t follow the guidelines) – I did just fine. Where you plant your seeds of love, there will grow your joy and happiness.
I’ve been wondering that exactly… who was it that defined the “supposed-to’s”? I’m happy a mom of grown kids posted a comment to say “all turned out well” :) thank you :)
Actually…it makes more sense for me to add it to Truthful Tuesday! :)
+1
I have two kids (one 3-year-old and one 6-month-old) and am in graduate school. My husband works full time and is also taking graduate classes. We are constantly busy and are always trying to find ways to relax and let go of unrealistic expectations, while holding on to family priorities like spending quality time together every day, practicing hospitality, and finding ways to have little adventures every now and then. I definitely feel inadequate at times, particularly in the area of homemaking (I basically stink at this), but thankfully have supportive friends and family and, most importantly, a superhero husband.
I really appreciate your sharing that you’re not down on the floor playing very much. I have a hard time actually playing with my 3-year-old, too. My mother-in-law is a first grade teacher and can literally play for hours on end! Instead, I do what you do–encourage independent play, read books, go on walks, let her shadow me as I do chores, etc. But this admission is the hardest one for me. I am usually devoid of creativity and motivation when it comes to planning activities with my kids.
Our house is usually pretty neat but that is due to my amazing husband. :) We keep things (mostly) tidy in the living areas/kitchen but there is always one room that is close to a disaster. I don’t really CLEAN very often. So yes, if you come over you’d find dusty baseboards and crumbs under the table.
I don’t cook every night. AT LEAST a couple of nights a week, we scrounge around for sandwich fixings.
I don’t clip coupons. I’ve tried and it stressed me out more than anything.
We bought our house a year ago and had all sorts of plans to tackle renovation projects. Now I mostly don’t “see” the things that used to drive me crazy and even the smallest projects seem daunting. I read DIY blogs and I shake my head with admiration and a bit of disbelief at how much people get done on their own!
My husband and I don’t go on many dates, especially since our youngest was born.
On a personal level, I’m a student, but I am not getting the most out of graduate school. I don’t do my homework to the best of my ability. I keep up with the reading but often sacrifice understanding of the subject matter in order just to “get it done.” I am often writing papers in the middle of the night, right up to the deadline. I do the bare minimum in terms of campus involvement and sometimes it hurts to watch my classmates proactively seeking and landing great internships and jobs.
This feels almost like a confession! Kind of cathartic. :) Despite all of this, I try hard not to dwell on the things I don’t do. Again, I’m blessed with a husband who appreciates what I DO bring to the table, so to speak, and only really feel the pressure to do more from myself.
girl, this is really beautiful. thanks for being part of this community and bringing YOU to the table. xo.
Oh Kate I can so relate! (That really wasn’t a pun on words, well not intentional) I have two kids ages 4 and 7, I work full time and I’m also in graduate school. I take classes online and sometimes don’t do my best since it’s about getting it done as you said. My husband is looking at taking a job that is a daily commute of about two hours a day which will turn us topsy turvey. Hang on Kate, take care of yourself and those babies. I try to remember this time won’t last forever and to treasure it, even on those days when homework is due, kids are crazy, and life swirls around. You are blessed with a family. :)
I think you are going to get a lot of comments on this post. Boy, does it strike a chord. I smell a “link up”- true confessions of bloggers.
My confessions:
- I pick up regularly, but only do a “real cleaning” about once a month.
- I can’t wait until my kids are napping so I can have an unhealthy snack.
- Ponytail. Always.
- Facebook can easily get more of my time than my children.
Oh, there could be more. Many more. But I won’t clog up your comments.
Thanks for having the courage to write this and be honest. Beautifully honest.
a link up! great idea. busting open the “perfect blogger myth”. i’ll mull it over.
in the meantime…thanks for being honest. it is refreshing. xo.
Amen to every one of those. Except the ponytail, because my hair is super short (because I’m too lazy to fix it). :)
LOVE this. So true, and so thankful for your honestly – something I struggle with is trying to make my blog life look perfect. It’s just so natural to pick the “good things” to write about or show pictures of, but I want it to be REAL.
Thanks for the reminder:-)
This post also made me think about this print I saw on pinterest: http://pinterest.com/pin/185421709627926358/
i think it is natural to have your blog be the reflection of the “best” you. no problem with that…i don’t think. i just don’t want to lead anyone into discouragement by having them think that i have it more together than i do. :)
thanks for your words, hannah!
Kudos to you for sharing! Not many mothers like to admit that they don’t clean their house as often as they would like, and I’m one of them. I’m one of those people that does an overhaul just before guests come over so they think that the house is like that all the time. Trixie…I know. I also don’t buy organic, although I would like to have a garden in the near future. I always loved eating vegetables fresh from the garden while I was growing up. Num!
The thing that I don’t do, and kind of frustrated me when people would judge me, is make my own baby food. “Omigod! You don’t make your own baby food?” Clearly a lot of people don’t make their own baby food or it wouldn’t still be for sale in the grocery store. The way I see it, the food I’d be cooking up for him would have been bought at the grocery store, and probably has worse things on it than the baby food has in it. Just sayin.
Thanks for the honesty. It’s nice to know there are mothers out there like me :)
i buy baby food! i just don’t have the margin for the extra kitchen mess right now. :)
Even though we are currently kid-free, I can relate to trying to do it all. During our first years of marriage, I was convinced that I wasn’t a good wife if the dishes weren’t clean before bed and I didn’t put the laundry away. I soon learned, however, that spending time enjoying time with my hubby was more important than clean dishes. Now, I currently have folded laundry on the washer and dishes stacked on the counter! I still put too many expectations on myself for my home and blog and wish that I could just learn to relax a bit! Thanks for the encouragement to not do it all :)
i think sometimes you have to learn to relax by necessity. but, i have enjoyed life more when i’ve let go of some things on my own before i was forced to let them go! :)
Love this honesty! Thank you for being so real and so authentic here!
There is no way I do it all. The thing I skip most is housework. Nester would feel quite at home with my floors. I also don’t get to do much with other children/families. I would like to have more friends in our home. I would like to read more and to simmer less. Instead I try to prioritize what I DO and DO well.
Thank you for being real!
I love it!! I’m with you on so much of this, and it is amazing to hear another mom confess to not really getting the playing thing. I love what you said about encouraging them to find their own fun. I think that is a really important skill and I am glad my mommy cluelessness is helping to foster that skill in my kiddos!
Hayley- I could swear you wrote this post out of my head! I too don’t play with my kids (if I do it’s very short- they have each other, right??), and my boys wear thrift store clothing and hand-me-downs (I mean, c’mon, boys DESTROY their clothes, what’s the point in spending a lot of money on them?? They do have nice outfits and shoes for “going out” and church, but other than that, I would throw away any of their clothing if it got too nasty without flinching.) I want to be able to keep my house clean, my laundry and dishes caught up, my husband happy, my children well-educated and well-rounded, and make money on the side while trying to maintain some sort of social life… but I just can’t. So often mom bloggers make me feel like a terrible mother, that I’m a failure for not being a SuperWoman. So thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for making me feel okay for not being able to do it all!
I always tell my husband “I can only succeed at one thing this week, what’s it gonna be?” my shop, cooking all our meals, cleaning house, etc. Very blessed to have a partner in life that doesn’t care when some things slip, because he knows other things are going really well, and he always steps in and picks up the pieces I can’t. Last night, we went back and forth perfectly between who was cleaning the kitchen and who was fulfilling shop orders…but we were eating chinese take out! Something’s always gotta give.
Thanks for sharing the things you put to the side to better serve your family. Also, your baby is looking like a big kid now!
Ashley, that is just about the best word I’ve had in a long time: “I can only succeed at one thing this week, what’s it going to be?” Perfect! I need that perspective, even though my kids are older. The demands are still the same. Thanks!
Girl, I love this post. This really has been on my heart lately and wrote something similar on my blog. I often feel like the world we live in as bloggers has the tendency to seem perfectly manicured, fuss-free, stylish, and effortless. I have realized that I can’t always “have it all together” all the time. And I made a goal for myself to be real on my blog and display my life how it is- in a very real, messy, imperfect, but beautiful way. Thank so much for sharing.
- Margaret
Love this post! I think everyone appreciates knowing that there are other Moms or people out there that struggle with keeping up the house, or with their outfits, etc. It’s great to feel like you can relate with others and this post does just that.
I am with you on the playing part, I can do games, crafts and cooking but playing dolls or cars is harder for me. My kids love to go out and about so that is something that we try to do a lot.
Oh and my house is usually picked up but never usually ready for a guest. Oops! I don’t cook fabulous meals and especially not organic.
Thanks for this post, I just recently found you through instagram and I love your blog!
i need to add:
*i don’t throw elaborate or “blog worthy” birthday parties for my boys.
*i don’t get house projects done at the speed of light like some bloggers.
*we have yet to go to the library in our new town…we went all the time in Charlotte.
*my kids play on the iPad more than i’d like.
Ahhh this was like hot chocolate to read – all warm, sweet, and filling. Thank you for that. I can almost feel better now about my total lack of wardrobe skills!
Such a great post!! Thank you for putting yourself out there because it reminds us it is ok to be NORMAL. I feel like when you read most blogs you end up feeling like man I have be it all…. they can be it all. I have to keep up!
I don’t:
*do every diy craft on the face of the earth for my home
*wear make up or take my hair out of a bun 90% of the time.
*do the laundry nearly enough.
and that is ok.
This is the first time I’ve left a comment on your blog – although I faithfully read it. I so needed this post today! My mom got to witness a meltdown on Sunday – she said to me “Take a deep breath. You can’t do it all.”
I work full-time outside of the home. I barely manage to get the laundry done every week and grab a dust cloth maybe once every two weeks. I have been trying to make some ‘me’ time (at 5:00 AM!) to exercise, but the trade-off is that I’m ready to go to bed at 8:00 when my kids do! I have to say that the housework is the first to go – we try to keep things picked up. But spotless? Never.
Thank you for your honesty today and for allowing a place where moms can be ‘real’ instead of trying to compete with one another. At the end of the day, I have to remember that I’m doing the best I can. My kids are happy and healthy – I can’t ask for much more than that. (Except for maybe a housekeeper.) ;)
i don’t have kids and i still spend upwards of $100 a week on food for two. we just love to eat :).
thanks for this friend! all you mother warriors amaze me and truly, all is grace.
My son is only 16-months-old and I’ve been struggling with how little I can actually do. I have stopped cleaning but once a month when I used to clean it every weekend. I’ve stopped stressing about ordering take out. Sometimes I just dont have time to cook so pizza it is. The guilt used to consume me if I didn’t cook a meal from scratch. Mostly I’ve accepted that one task is usually the most I can take on a daily basis. It’s either grocery shopping or playing in the backyard. Never both.
My house of three boys sounds a lot like your house of three boys. Except instead of paying for 2 houses I buy organic. ;) We all have our thing, right? I love how honest and open you are Hayley. Awesome post. I’m pinning it and passing it on…
i rarely shave my legs. i don’t wear makeup. i don’t cook. i don’t clean the bathrooms. i eat out at least once a day (or i wouldn’t eat at all). i don’t read my son stories – he doesn’t sit still long enough to get through even the shortest board book, so why spend my precious time with him forcing him to do something neither of us ends up enjoying.
but i DO love him. and i love being his mom. and in the crazy blended family that makes our house a home, what i do get done is good enough for now. :)
You sound just like me! I don’t get on the floor and play much with my kiddos, either. (Although I do like the Legos and monster trucks..I just usually have something else to do.) I don’t do windows. I don’t really clean – although I am pretty good with keeping clutter at bay. My hair is usually in a ponytail or bun (I can get two days out of the bun if I put it up while my hair is wet). I do buy organic…but only what I can find in my local grocery store and not if it’s ridiculously more expensive than the regular version. I don’t make my bed. Well, I do…if I need the space for folding laundry. But I usually just do laundry on the floor. I don’t wear makeup on a daily basis – and when I do, I don’t remember to wash it off at night. And that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head. :)
all i can say Hayley is that i think i love you. i put my business on the shelf this year and have been feeling like i complete failure only to hear these sweet words form you today to realize we all have choices. the house will be messy, i will not the rule the world, i wont be a supermodel, yada, yada, yada. WE DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALL. thank you from the bottom of my now much happier heart.
I don’t have the pressures of children or wife-dom and I can’t do it all either!
-I like things picked up and organized but there is always “The Pile” where I dump things when I’m in a hurry. “The Pile” can grow to an embarassing size. As in, most of the clothes from my closet are now on “The Pile.”
-The inside of my car can look like a bomb went off in it.
-I hate dusting, and therefore, put it off as long as possible. Like, I ususally start sneezing from the pileup of dust and finally break down and do it.
Breath. Of. Fresh. Air. Your lips to my ears. Bless you.
lovely. thank you.
woot woot.
how many other ways can I tell you to keep writing this truth.
Yup, this is so me.
I didn’t buy organic until just recently (and even now it isn’t everything. I too felt I had to go whole-hog, but I’ve come to grips with just doing what I can and getting it if-and-when it is available).
My kids wear consignment store items 90% of the time. My mom is often embarrasses that my kids don’t have “dress” shoes.
My house is a constant battle against the dog hair. And don’t look at my toilets too carefully. Floors are only supposed to be scrubbed once-a-month, right?
I typically have a pixie haircut. ‘nuf said.
I DO NOT play. I read, I go outside, I occasionally craft. Good thing I lucked out and got twins the 2nd time around. They have each other.
We spent YEARS in debt. We will continue to have school debt for a long time.
Basically saying — you’re not alone girlfriend. xo
(oh, and I did the NICU stint too, so we have that in common too)
Oh, I love love love this. Doesn’t it always seem like everyone else in the blogosphere has their entire world pulled together? I can’t remember the last time my blowdryer came out. And even when I have the time, with two kids under two, I still pull my hair back in a ponytail. I let my girls watch TV. I sweep regularly but rarely (and I mean rarely!) mop even though I swore I’d start when my youngest started crawling (she’s almost walking). I pretend like I’m going to the gym after play dates so I can get away with wearing insanely comfy clothes. Oh, the list can go on. I do play with my kids on the floor (and I try so hard not to have my cell phone with me when I do) but crafting takes WAY too much effort for me.
Thanks for your honesty!
I love the way you wrote this and adore you for sharing it. Last year I felt the need to write something similar and shared the following when I did a guest post for a friiend.
http://www.gingerunzuetaphotography.com/the-road-to-happy-l-guest-post-for-lazio-images/
I feel like as women we all need to come out and support each other, to laugh about our faults and realize all the imperfections make life so perfect! I never want people to perceive me as “doing it all” b.c really it all comes down to choices we make. Wonderfully written ! Thank you!!!
Thank you. Gracias. Merci. Danke. Grazie.
Amen! Shhh… We don’t eat organic either. I hate spending time on my hair even though I’m constantly pinning cute styles. And, pants+shirts+shoes equals our wardrobe as well. Great post. :)
Kacie
My house is never perfectly clean. I decided awhile ago to make peace with all the fingerprints that cover my sliding glass doors and every other piece of glass that my kiddos can reach. I realized that one day, not long from now, I will desperately miss those beautiful fingerprints on my windows! So for now I am focusing on the excitement from my children when they are pointing at something fun outside or looking out the window waiting for daddy to come home rather than focus on all the fingerprints they are leaving behind!
I also decided to be thankful for a messy playroom because it means the kids have been playing and using their imagination rather than watching too much TV. Good topic Hayley!
You are their mother, not their entertainment. My mother did not play much with us, but she was THERE 24/7. She is the best Ma in the world. Looks like we are all in the same boat;-) Embracing what makes us, US!
Thanks for posting this, Hayley! I have the same struggle and yes, it is a struggle because I like to be good at things. And I’m not always good at being a patient mommy, passionate wife and brilliant designer. I blogged about this same thing, here. http://www.mcswaindesign.com/2011/10/dream.html
I’ve just learned to clean up when I can, enjoy my kids (like we’re going to outside here in a minute) and be patient with myself. One of my yoga teachers used to say, “‘Don’t be judgemental” in her Japanese accent. I’m the worst at judging myself/comparing myself to others. I think Jesus would probably tell me the same thing.
Among many other things, I do NOT get “dressed” unless I have to. Which means that if you come to my house on a weekday during the winter? I’m wearing my warm, fuzzy granny robe and slippers. Which also means that I don’t contribute to “What I Wore Wednesday’s” because I just don’t CARE enough to give up my coziness. ;)
Love,
Erika
I am in the same boat as you…
- only get dressed when i have too and sometimes ill put off running an erand til the next day because i can;t be arsed getting dressed today (I am one of the lucky ones who work from home)
-my hair gets done once a fortnight when i can be bothered blow drying it otherwise its a bun clip or i have a clip that makes it super easy to do a french roll… looks like you spent hours on your hair and it took 2 secs as im running out the door.
-I wont put things away unless i am going to do it properly… so my spare bedroom bed is my closet!
-I leave playing with kids to my husband as he is great with them… and ill sometimes join in – but mostly ill watch and laugh!
-you ladies in USA seem to dust more then us in Australia… When my mum visits once a year and then 6 months later when someone went and put a fingerprint in it.. idiot – they dont learn – if you dont touch you dont have to clean :)
-i do clean my shower (nearly) everytime, but my sink gets done when someone is visiting or im in a super house-wifey mood.. maybe once a month
- i only shave when it is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL and makeup never comes off… if ive taken the time to put it on to begin with
Thank you – this feels good!
Coupons? Organic? Who has time? I trust the Lord to provide both financially and physically for our family. We’ll be alright.
And the playing thing? I was terrible at that. Thankfully I had girls who enjoyed reading and learned to read at an early age. I let them take over from there. :)
What I do not do is crafts. I hate crafts of any kind. We go to Homegoods for our crafts.
Lovely post!! & you are so right–just can’t do it all. I tend to sacrifice social obligations (playdates & such) for errands & cleaning & crafting. It makes me much happier to spend the morning clearing off my to-do list, cleaning the house or organizing a closet than being with friends. {gaaaasp…I know} & family time is few & far between for us. Such is life married to a general surgery resident. Someday weekends won’t include daddy working…but there is *always* something that is sacrificed behind the shiny, happy blog. :) *s
Hi! I just recently found your blog (via pinterest…gotta love pinterest!) and cannot tell you how much I enjoy reading it! This is the first time I’ve left a comment here, I usually don’t leave many…but one of my GOALS for myself this year was to leave more! I can’t tell you how much I appreciated reading this. It is so easy to read women’s blogs and envy their tutorials and perfectly decorated homes and hair that always seems in place that I forget not all is what it seems! Trying to balance a “big girl’ job and my son and attempting to run my shop seems nearly impossible at the end of the day. I have been wanting to start my own blog for months, but just recently reunited with my straightener since my son was born (is 9 months a long time to go with a ponytail?? I guess I’m lucky my hair isn’t permanently formed in a “ponytail!) and have accepted that spit up will have to do as the “latest accessory” to my failing outfits. I think about picking up the house, grocery shopping and laundry for more than I spend DOING any of it! Thank you for saying it is okay if you are not on the floor with your children 24/7 in their face and teaching them how to solve the rubiks cube and all that good stuff. We can’t do it all, and finding balance has been difficult for me. For example, as I write this lengthy comment, my son is being entertained by Elmo’s World and quieted by a constant flow of passing over some Gerber’s puffs. Is your kid saying he was raised by Mr. Noodle a step up from wolves?? Anyways, tonight I will NOT feel guilty for all that didn’t get done today, all that won’t tomorrow, and all the dust bunnies that will take up a permanent residence in my home.
Thank you for freeing me from that today! And so sorry about the length of this…yikes!
Truly admire your truthfulness — lets face it. We are all too overwhelmed with daily obligations and blogging just pushes it to the edge. Hugs!
This is totally me…minus one kiddo :) You know there aren’t many moms, at least not that I know of, that will admit they don’t play with their kids that much. I ALWAYS struggle with that, and truthfully I think my husband does a better job at it and I’m okay with that. We own 2 homes also, and rent one out, due to hubby’s military job and relocating. I used to try to do it all, but at the expense of my family’s time with me…having a happy mommy vs. a stressed out one. Now I let things slide, there’s clutter on my counters and 3 loads of laundry that I should have folded 2 days ago still waiting on me…but I built 2 Lego sets today :) That wasn’t me 6 months ago and it’s nice to finally be able to breathe. Kudos for your honesty!!
Literally the perfect post for one of those kind of days when I am pretty sure I am not getting mother of the year ;). Good reminder that we can’t do everything and certainly not perfectly!
Yay for your honesty! I love cooking (ahem, and eating) and sometimes feel guilty about the lack of housework I do. I pick up every day, several times a day, but real, Cinderella-like cleaning, that pretty much happens the day before I expect company! We all have our things I guess. Thanks for sharing.
Superwoman I am not:) I do not clean just move the dust around and pick things up and shove it in the nearest closet. I do not do long hair, so cut it short. I do not give everything a 100%, more like divide and conquer. Love this post – thanks for sharing!
Grace,,,your post is so full of it. I’m a first time reader and am happily promoting your new book with a free sneak peek at it through face book. (what a great marketing idea-go you!) I think fashion has been one of the areas I find myself fretting over recently. I especially find myself having a lot of buyers remorse…getting swept up in the moment of a thrifty deal and then fretting because it’s not the right color for the style of the season.
Along with that, I find the typical laundry list–including laundry, which I tell myself isn’t done fast enough or with enough “know how” since my dishtowels remain stained and my secret wish that they were spotless…or the fact that my closets and drawers are not organized and beautiful…another thing I fret over. But, alas, here is the word of freedom I needed to hear…I can’t do it all! And I don’t have to try. :)
OH and I also agree that blogs and pinterest can be negative for me in that way…making everything look so picture perfect and leaving me feeling in-adequate. Thankfully, they also bring along little treasures of connection and hope.
so true!!! we can’t and will never do it all. :) i relate with so many things here! wanna know another one …….i sometimes YELL at my sweet little angel babies
{ gasp!}.
What the heck??? Is that a Mountain Dew in the background? Haha ha. Love yiu girl. Thus was an awesome post! For the record… i do it all. NOT. Prettybsure there arent anough hours in the day! Xo
I’m not the mom or wife I always invisioned, or STILL invision. I still carry my baby weight (he’s 2), my baseboards are scary, I sometimes have to rewash the load in the washer and I fluff that dryer more times on 1 load than I really should. I’ve just started Maximize Your Mornings because with just 1 kiddo I was waking up TO my child and not FOR my child, and that hit home…too hard. I still haven’t finished my best friends Christmas present (a painting), and sometimes the TV is on just a bit too long in the morning. I’m not great at playing with my boy, I feel guilty everyday for this. Some things I can change and should change, and others, well…it’s one thing at a time. It’s not doing it all that matters, it’s doing my best. Whatever I do, I need to do it ALL (changing diapers, picking up toys, laundry, grocery shopping, washing dishes, cleaning the floor around the base of the toilet, and getting cob webs off the ceiling), ALL for the glory of God. Thank you so much for this post. My heart was hugged and I took a deep breath when I sat here today! Thank you!
The way you mother sounds the way my mom did and the way I intend to {when I become a mom, that is}. Thank you for saying this! I already feel like I can’t do it all as a student/part-time employee/sister/intern/blogger, & this post just feels like a big glass of grace you’re serving me at the counter in that real, unstyled, beautiful kitchen of yours.
I don’t take my little one outside to play as often as he’d like. We have a huge yard on a busy highway, so he can’t go out alone. And, when we are outside, I can’t take my eyes off of him for a second…so I don’t try very often. He’s gotten away from me and run so close to the street it scared a few years off of my life!
i so love this post! like, truly truly love it :-)
i don’t dust as often as i should (maybe that’s why i sneeze so much?)
my house has way too much clutter (it’s small and contains four homeschooled kiddos)
and i’ll admit, i don’t get the kids’ sheets washed as frequently as they should be (totally hanging head in shame now, picturing what my mother would say. . .)
but we’re a happy family. and we’re all growing in grace. i’ll repeat it with you: all is grace.
have a blessed week!
steph
you most definitely hit the nail on the head with a lot of us out there! i don’t coupon because i forget to use them anyway! who wants to keep track of getting the correct item when you’re shopping with kids only to get to the cashier and realize you picked out the wrong item for the coupon? geesh. not worth it for me!
oh, and your “unstyled kitchen” is full of some of the most beautiful little men out there! come on! look at those faces!!
here’s one of my “i don’t do it all” that might ruffle some feathers…i didn’t breastfeed any of my children, by choice, and they all turned out to be healthy, happy kids. oh, the “i can’t believe you aren’t breastfeeding” looks & comments i received from friends, doctors & nurses. perhaps i’ll write a post about that one day.
thanks for the glimpse into your “i don’t do it all” life. so refreshing!
caroline! you go ruffle some feathers, girl. i agree. sometimes the best decisions for our families are ones that would be unpopular, “not the best”, whatever…for other families.
i didn’t breastfeed Asher for very long because of PPD…and i felt like i needed to defend myself and make sure that people knew i was an “educated” mom. whatever that is??
Oh Caroline… reading your comment made me smile. I didn’t breastfeed my son (by choice – too much pain and resentment, not that it needs an explanation, but somehow I feel I owe the world one anyway – ugh!) and have been struggling with the decision about whether to breastfeed my next baby. There are all too few moms out there that don’t breastfeed that are willing to say “no, I don’t, and there’s no guilt in it” … so thank you.
I’m just laughing and grinning and now laughing some more. How refreshing Hayley?! I love this. I struggle with getting down on the floor, but I do love taking them on outings and doing crafts. Organic – nope? Perhaps one day. Couponing- utter fail. And cleaning is a struggle too. And my hair might actually fall out if it was taken out of a pony tail.
Again, the laughter is wonderful this morning. Thanks for sharing YOU and allowing me to take a deep cleansing breath this morning.
Thanks for not being perfect! I’m not perfect either, and I don’t wanna be perfect! I wanna be me!
Love this!
I would love to work from home but honestly I could not keep my kids entertained all day. I secretly enjoy my 9-2 job. Adult conversations keep me sane! My house isn’t and never will be perfectly spotless, laundry is never done and dirty dishes are almost always in the sink. We have a roof over our head, food on the table and love all the way around. That is how I like it! :)
Thank you. Truly. It’s easy to feel like a failure in comparison to the bloggers I read and other moms I meet. There are many things that I end up doing/not doing sometimes that make me feel like the opposite of an acceptable mom. Not only do we not do organic but we actually go to Mcdonalds sometimes. Hope I don’t get too much hate for that….it’s actually something I feel REALLY embarrassed about sometimes and would never tell a fellow Portlander about. I rarely clean my floors or my bathroom. It takes me a long time to get out of my pajamas some days. I hate cooking. It’s like a constant uphill battle to actually have a meal on the table…but I keep trying!
But, I love my daughter and I am constantly trying to be a better mom :)
Oh girl… yes, yes, yes. There is such a pressure to do all and be all- especially for moms and especially in the blog world. It’s refreshing for you/these women to be real… and to even embrace and be okay with not having it all together (or performing up to the standards ‘expected’). Life is messy and that’s okay, right?!
So I’ll openly admit to you that I fish clothes from laundry baskets more frequently than dressers or closets and that I just spent ten minutes scrubbing the croc pot that sat for three days in the fridge because I didn’t want to wash it before now. (ha. gross, huh?!) I, too, struggle with being down on the floor playing with my kids– but they have eachother and really are best friends, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. :) I just paid off the last of our debt, but it’s certainly has nothing to do with my excellent money management. I battle budgeting and dying-to-self and relinquishing what I deem ‘freedom’ that is really bondage. For a long time.
God is working though… and there’s a stirring in this heart and this home like never before. It’s a mess nearly everywhere you look at this moment, but that’s not nearly as important as a surrendered heart and falling freshly in love with the person of Jesus. It’s been a desert in my heart for months too many to count, and I want more than anything to now live out the gospel in my home.
In a sermon I listened to this morning, Brit Merrick said, “We must make a daily choice…which will I believe is the greater truth? That my temporal circumstances are often dissatisfying? Or that my identity and blessings in Christ are overwhelming?” I’m praying that you and me and all these other women will find our rest and peace in knowing our position and identity as it is with Jesus. And that THAT would be enough. :)
(sorry for the novel! Yikes!!)
I appreciate your honesty. (and I love your posts, btw=)) I have 4 kids (9,8, 4, and 7 months). And you really can’t do everything. I do try to keep my house fairly picked up, and I do pretty deep cleaning once a week. But no more than that. I used to vacuum 3-4 times a week. Now I have my 9 year old do it-which doesn’t turn out as thoroughly as when I do it. But it is good enough. I could spend time cleaning every day, but I have things I’d rather do-like reading and blogging and cooking. My hair and make up get the 5 minute special. I laugh when I remember junior high and high school, and all the time I devoted to it then. A resolution for me this year is to play a game with my kids each week. They generally play with themselves too. But I want them to remember some time playing with mom also. I don’t clip coupons either, or eat organic. It just doesn’t rank that high on my list. I agree, grace for ourselves and each other. We have different loves, gifts and strengths. What works for one person doesn’t always work for another.
Well said. :) I don’t get down and play with my boys very much either. I used to think I needed to. But they are perfectly happy pretend playing on their own. And then we read together or dance to music together {things Mom enjoys too} and go play outside while I photograph. It’s good. And the house isn’t always as clean as I would like it. What I’m really really curious about is how you found time to write your eBook. I have ambitions to do the same and I need to discover your secret. :)
This is what I needed today. As I walked my son to school, other people had made little crafts for the 100th day of school and we packed 100 of his cars into a plastic tub to show his class. I felt kind of like ugg, maybe we should have done more. But you know what, that’s ok because we shouldn’t be expected to do it all. We should do what’s right for us and our families. That you again for this post today, it is so what I needed.
I have 4 kids ages 4 1/2, 3, 2, and 5 months. Here’s my list.
1. I don’t do my hair. It’s up in a bun 98% of the time. There are many days that my hair doesn’t even get brushed.
2. I don’t get together with girl friends. I can’t remember the last time I went to Starbucks.
3. I don’t volunteer for any church activities.
4. I don’t do Facebook and I don’t text.
5. I don’t shower every day.
6. I don’t buy in bulk, grind my own flour, or make my own bread…someday :)
7. I don’t have a spotless house. We live in a two bedroom townhouse that is a little over 1000 sq. ft. If one thing is out of place it looks a mess.
i don’t do coupons, they just pile up. crafts and crafting supplies make me nervous ~ seriously don’t know what to do with them. i don’t always get the laundry put away (like you our children do not have an abundance of clothes and the ones in school wear uniforms ~ best thing ever!) the downstairs of our home is clutter-free (mostly) due to a weekly bible study we host ~ but honestly, the downstairs bathroom only gets cleaned on bible study day. i don’t do every season of every sport (upward basketball / cheering is the only exception since we participate as a family). i don’t homeschool although i miss my children when they are in school. homework time is a prime example of why i could not do that all. day. long.
as moms we do much to keep our homes running ~ fixing dinners, laundry, spending time with children and husbands… sometimes i think we discount all that we do accomplish during a day. i love when bloggers post a picture of *real life* because all i can give is my best each day. not the nesters best, or another designers best. i am a stay at home mom to three (two in school) and i am amazed at the working moms who have to squeeze in laundry/dinner prep/homework and a billion other things after a full day of working outside the home.
This post is such a gift. Thank you.
My do-nots: I do not wash windows. I do not recycle anything except the very easy newspaper and glass. I have lived in this house two years and most rooms have virtually nothing hanging on the walls.
And yet we survive. :-)
My son is my joy, but I do not like getting on the floor and playing with him. I just don’t! I love squeezing him, hugging him, showering kisses on his little face {when I can catch him!}, but playing: no! I’m more of a get-the-laundry- done-and-cook-dinner sorta mom. And you know what?! That’s okay. My mom was a sit-on-the-sofa-with-a-cigarette-and-a-romance-novel sorta mom and I never once doubted her love for me. She made it so clear in other ways.
I think we moms are WAY too hard on ourselves and the Mompetition from some is ridiculous! KatieO…next time you’re at McDonald’s give a fun and hearty beep on the way out as if to say “YA! That’s right, sistas! I’m at McDonald’s! Whatcha gonna say about THAT?!”
We need to encourage each other more…we’re all in this together! Thanks for such a great post. It and the comments have made my day!
I have enjoyed reading these comments. So glad to hear that there are moms out there who will admit to not liking to play with their kids. I too could not get into the playing part. For about 10 minutes no longer. Of course I also had six kids and it was a bit hard to try to play and keep up the house. They are now all raised and very good well adjusted people so I guess I didn’t harm them too badly. I did read to them all the time and play board games with them and hug and kiss them (probably too much since five of them are boys and they hated it). I also was a den mother for 10 years, two years for each boy so I did do hikes and such with them. And I taught my daughter to sew. The one thing I don’t do much of now is cook. After 25 years of three meals a day I revolted and stopped cooking. Now more often than not my sweet husband picks up that chore, he loves it truth be known. Also I have been known to say that I would rather clean toilets than cook. True! My house used to be immaculate as well, even with six kids, but now I have relaxed and it is clean enough for company if I have 30 minutes notice. Otherwise you get what you get.
Thank you. This was a breath of fresh air. Today I sent my kids outside to play in the park and hoped they’d find enough to do out there (since they haven’t been out in a while) that I could read my book… and then I felt guilty for doing that, feeling like I should be kneeling in the park with them helping them to fill their buckets with rocks or whatever. I encourage them to play together so that I can write or clean or bake. I don’t do organic either. I buy cheap clothes. I colour with them and read to them (or let my hubby do that) and I let them watch an hour of TV a day so that I can blog. I try to love them, in my own little way, and to be a better mom today than I was yesterday. And that’s enough for me. :)
Thank you for your honest. My boyfriend has a daughter (13 months) and I already feel compelled to do those perfect motherly, nurturing things. But I just can’t play with toys on the ground all day long! I thought that meant I would be a failure at this thing.
Wow sweetie! Love you ! Love you! You amaze me every day with your beautiful words and grace (I could use a lesson in grace!) You are the best mother and wife ever and I am sooo proud of you!! xoxo Mom
Aww, your mom is so sweet! I’m just like you but with three girls instead! I don’t grocery shop though. I have them delivered, through Peapod, best thing ever. It’s worth the delivery charge if I’m not stressing about getting in and out with three girls and dealing with the people! Thanks for your post, makes me feel a LOT less alone in this journey.
I love this! I think this is a syndrome that especially christian women are prone to, thinking that outward perfection goes hand in hand with our faith. while everyone adores the prov 31 women for how she truly seems to do it all, I think that because of her many other marvelous examples of beautiful, godly women are overlooked even in the bible. women who simply loved, served, prayed, had faith, etc. we never get a glimpse into their homes, closets, or bank accounts because it was always the heart that God looked at.
reading through all of these comments makes my heart feel so light. thanksful for so many that are willing to admit to being human. :)
I love, love, love this…. thanks for being real!
I don’t get down on the floor and play with my kids much either and I have to make myself read to them… at least once a week.
My kids do NOT get bathed every day… or even every other!
we don’t get 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day
my kitchen floor needs mopped, or even swept… in a bad way!!
I just discovered this post through a link from Pinterest (for your book), and all I have to ask is, “Are we the same person?”
I don’t do playtime with my two kids, I believe that floors need to be mopped twice a year (max), and I haven’t given ‘organic’ a second thought since my pediatrician told me that he and his family don’t eat it, either.
Ah, this post is such a nice break from the usual articles, pictures and posts all over the internet that suggest that I am fundamentally deficient.
Wow I am exhausted just reading what some of you are trying to manage, especially those still in school. My heart goes out to you and I feel so sad that you are under such pressure with small children. As a wife of 30 years and mother of adult children let me assure you the housework will NEVER be done but your children will be grown before you can blink. Leave what you can (and stay healthy!) and focus on the children however you do that – be it reading to them, playing on the floor or making time to take them with you as much as possible as you go about your day. Really listening to them is much more important than getting down on the floor with them! Some of the best conversations I have had with my children have been while washing dishes or hanging out laundry :) Don’t forget to be honest with other women too – some of us older ladies would love to lend a hand but don’t want to offer to take the children for an afternoon as we don’t want to be seen to be suggesting someone isn’t coping . I don’t have grandchildren yet but love spending time with a friend’s 2 1/2 year twins and she enjoys the break :)
I love what you’ve said here! And this was something I seriously needed to read after the week I’ve had. Whether you’re blogging or not, there is just so much pressure to put out a persona of perfection. It is exhausting to try to live up to it, and the moments I stop and realize it’s only an allusion and not a reality I have to buy into, I feel so much better. Like a weight has been lifted.
Thanks for sharing this :)
My 2 1/2 week old doesn’t sleep in her bassinet. SO SHE SLEEPS WITH ME! I’m sure we’ll work on her once she’s older, but for now I really need at least a few hours of sleep at night. Not to mention I actually love the cuddle time. After 9 1/2 months of literally having her closer than my own skin, it’s not easy just being okay with her do far away from me.
Oh, and since having the baby, I don’t do a darn thing. I feed her, change her, and try to get her into a routine. Almost everything else goes undone. Luckily my husband is helping a little :)
This strikes such a cord. I love this that this is so real. I love my children with all my heart but I feel so guilty sometimes when I need that me time.
I don’t get on the floor and play and I wasn’t that way when I was a child either. I was a reader and still am. I love reading to them though.
I do a everyday pickup but the deep cleaning only gets done when I get the ambition to do it (which isn’t often.)
Thank you for such a wonderful post.
This is so great. So glad I’m not alone here! I’m the mom that lives in her sweats, hair pulled back, chasing around a naked toddler with a baby on her hip all day. Honestly, I have no idea of the last time I dusted. I have no idea of the last time I windexed our bathroom mirrors! And the only way I’m reminded of needing to sweep or vacuum is when I have to pry dust bunnies out of Josiah’s hands before he sticks them in his mouth! :( After being blessed with the opportunity to come home and be with my kids full time, I thought I could do it all! But, no. Not even close. And for now, I am really okay with that. Because, my kids aren’t going to remember the dust bunnies and toothpaste splattered mirrors (hopefully). They’re going to remember our dance parties, our story time, and our games of hide-n-seek… and maybe their mom’s B.O.
I don’t vacuum despite the fact that my poor baby has dog hair all over everything. I keep blaming the fact that we don’t have a nicer vacuum, but let’s face it…I HATE VACUUMING!!
oh wow…this is my first time on your blog and I love it! I am a homeschooling mom to 4 kiddies. They are 8, almost 7, almost 6 and 2 1/2. They keep me hopping! BUT, there are so many things I don’t do that it isn’t funny.
I don’t get on the floor to play. By the time we get done with school, I’m exhausted. Plus, hubby wrestles with the kids. Un-uh…these kids are strong! I will occasionally get down and play a game with the girls. If the boys are around, Mommy stays in a chair!
I don’t do coupons. Used to…wasted precious time that should have been spent on my kids and hubby.
I don’t fix my hair. It is naturally curly…so plaster in some gel and let it airdry.
I don’t clean my house. I cook 6-7 nights a week…I only do dishes. Everything else is done by hubby and kids.
I don’t do Facebook. See comment about couponing…waste of time. I have 4 precious kids with me here and now. I don’t give a fig about what an acquaintance from kindergarten is doing right this minute.
I don’t limit my volunteering. Not sure if this is a negative or a positive yet. Feeling stretched pretty thin.
Just stumbled upon your blog- I love how real you are! And your book looks amazing.
oh honey, just go ahead and hire yourself a housekeeper. you don’t need tons of superfluous money to get someone in once every 2 weeks to do floors, dusting, bathrooms and kitchen. this is what i do and it’s only a small price to pay for the time and sanity it brings me. i do ALL the pre-tidying, and she doesn’t touch the dishes, beds, or laundry. she just does the deep cleaning that i don’t have time for. look into it… i bet you can find someone for $40-$60 per cleaning and i’d honestly sacrifice a few other things to keep her in my life!
thanks for this post!
It is super refreshing to read a post like this. So many moms are like, “I’m super mom!” and to be honest, I really HATE mom blogs. Yours doesn’t strike me as one that’s all consuming motherhood stuff (though I know it is an all consuming, 24/7 job from pregnancy until infinity!).
Also, what I really wanted to say is that I think children these days don’t need all the external playtime of having a parent create something for them to do or activities to keep them busy. I’m an only child and my parents have always given me time and space to learn how to do things on my own, to let me read (though I was a book worm as a child…), and to let me create my own games. After I made up a scenario for my version of grocery shopping or cooking, I’d “perform” for my parents—but I wouldn’t need the constant affirmation from them. I think that it’s important to let children grow and develop as they need to.
Of course, I say this as a childless 23-year-old, so what do I know? :)
Actually, this is really how I try to parent. I remember having lots of “down time” as a kid–and I KNOW I remember hearing the “boring people get bored” comment a lot. And truly, as an adult I have no trouble being along and am rarely bored because I can always find something to dream about or read or whatever. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head Miss 23-year-old kidless, Jess. :)
Hi Tiny Twig! So, I used to read your blog way back when you barely started. I can’t remember why, but I stopped reading, but I kept thinking about you and your blog, and so I decided to look you up again. And I really love the changes that have come. (Although I do miss that pretty bird header.)
Anyway, this post was fantastic, and it inspired my own post. Slightly different format than yours, but same idea. Go here if you want to check it out.
I am so glad that I thought to find you again, I thought you were inspirational before, but this is really wonderful. Hope you have a great weekend. :)
Crissy
This couldn’t have been more perfect timing for me to read this. Thank you :)
i’m so glad you happened upon it. :) i think the comments are super encouraging and helpful to realize we ALL have things we let fall by the wayside. xoxo.
wow, thank you for sharing this. I feel guilty more often than not that I can’t be betty homemaker and be a stay at home mom running a full time biz. Thanks for showing the reality behind it all.
yup, i pulled back the proverbial curtain. ;) it’s not always rosy and sunshine. but, it’s gooood.
Let me say that by all appearences, I DO do it all. I am a working mother of two beautiful little girls (ages two anf five). I am currently running an accounting/business office for a brand new private jet repair facility. I also help out in the accounting department of our sister (and financial backer) company. On the side I own a little girl clothing line in which I am the clothing maker/accountant/hr/and president. Both of my girls are in school fulltime – if you want to call my youngest’s daycare a school – and I manage to donate my time, food, and money to that as well. I am also happily married (with all the work that it requires to stay happy). We just purchased a new home so in all my free time I am renovating that.
Here is my secret – my girls are lucky if I can spend more than two hours a weekday with just them and can ignore the rest of the world. I miss them, they miss me. And it sucks that we have to play catch up on the weekends. My house is rarely picked up. In fact the only time my house looks clean, is the night before the cleaning lady comes so I am not embarrassed for her to see how I really live. We eat out at least twice a week because I am too tired to be creative at night for something more that spaghetti. And there are times when my husband is telling me about his day that I just fall asleep. I never excercise and I am horrendously jealous of stay at home moms while I am petrified to make the same leap of faith myself.
It is nice to know that I am not the only one who cannot do it all. It is nice to know that stay at home mommies struggle too. I am not sure why women felt that to be equal to men we needed to do more than them. But I say to any hardworking mom (outside the home or not) raising my girls to be happy, healthy, and to know how much they are loved is way more important than cleaning up the pile of shoes by the front door. And on days when I beat myself up for failing in some part of my life, it is nice to know that it is impossible to do it all. And that all those mommies that look they do, are probably just pretending like me. Thanks for reminding me that imperfection is just as beautiful.
thanks for your transparency. it’s good to find community where we can be real and not be afraid to be seen for what we are.
i think by appearances, i probably look the part of “all together”. but, we all know that it is a total myth.
oh, and sometimes i’m jealous of working moms, too. i think we all wish for something different than we have sometimes. you are not alone!
i just stumbled upon this and i can’t tell you how much i needed to ‘hear’ exactly this today. i work from home as a self-employed writer and graphic designer, i have two young kids with another on the way, and there are days when i don’t think my wheels will ever, ever stop spinning. i like my job but can’t help feeling jealous of my other at-home mom friends who don’t have to balance quite as much; i think “yeah, my house would be immaculate and my kids would have more fun and my husband would be one happy dude and the laundry would get put away and the dog would get walked and i’d manage to shower more than three times a week if i wasn’t working at all.” most nights i’m up until the wee hours trying to finish a project i’m convinced i could have gotten done in 45 minutes at 1pm if only i had the house to myself. it’s awesome to be reminded that i’m not alone, that i am enough, that i’m doing the best i can for my family…and that things for others maybe aren’t always what they seem. thank you, thank you, thank you for keeping it real. i’ll be back! =)
OH THANK YOU with all of my HEART for this POST!! I have been feeling guilty for years for not getting down on the floor and playing with my children enough…mostly not at all…I actually feel guilty everyday about this and finally, FINALLY – I feel okay about it after reading that I’m not the only one who struggles with this…BIG HUGE SIGH of RELIEF!
I love and appreciate your honesty more than you can imagine!
I am your newest follower and will look forward to visiting you here at your blog very often:)
Melissa B.
This is a great post. Just today I was talking to a woman at work and she was commenting how she can’t imagine working full-time with little ones at home. I told her that since my second one came along I am realizing that I can’t do it all and I am (trying to be) okay with it.
I like a clean house, but cleaning sometimes makes me grumpy.
I don’t mind grocery shopping or cooking, but menu planning is a struggle – if someone would just tell me what to make!
I don’t do organic.
I feel bad, but I am not into always playing with my kids. It makes me feel antsy like I should be getting something else done like cleaning or laundry. Sometimes I just want a moment to myself. I would like to be better at “being present” when I am with them – I need to find a way to turn off my mental to-do list.
Thank you for your honest post – I found you through “Simple Mom”. I am going to add you to my Google Reader.
I’m glad there is grace in being a woman and being a mother! I sure need it!
Thanks for making me feel less bad about not always getting down on the floor to play with my son. I do it… I try, at least a few times a day, but he likes to play by himself… or sit on the couch… or just run around and that is OKAY!
Glad I don’t have to do it all!
I don’t think it’s always necessary for us to “play” with our children, they are so good at that all on their own. My one and a half year old son likes to copy what I do while I’m cleaning, folding laundry, cooking, gardening, which I thinks is a good way for us to interact together and he’s learning too! Of course, it all takes a little longer when his idea of folding is to unfold and his idea of gardening is scoop the soil out of the pots!
Thankyou for posting this it helps to alleviate the mom guilt I have been having for not orchestrating every waking moment of my childs life and for slacking on housework. Some things are just simply more important than having a sparkling home!
Such great encouragement here!
you go girl! I don’t clip coupons and i have to get ou tof the house with my 2-yr old son almost daily basis or i go stir crazy.
be blessed:)
beautifully written!
I’ve enjoyed your blog for some time now, but this is my first time leaving a comment. I work full-time, and have 4 kids (17, 9, 6, and 3) at home and 2 step-kids (13, and 12) that we get every other weekend. I always feel like I’m behind the 8-ball and struggle constantly with trying to balance spending time with my husband, kids and having a little time for myself so i’m not completely burnt. my kids watch more tv than I would like, and I rarely scrub my shower! Thank you for this very inspiring and uplifting post!
Just took your Influence class last night and honestly, I liked you a lot more than I thought I would. Not that I thought I wouldn’t like you….please don’t read it as that, but you’re real, you’re a mom, you’re not trying to be someone you’re not. I think finding this post made me smile and thank you verbally outloud as I read!
So many times I think I’m not playing enough with my little guy, not cleaning our kitchen routinely and have about given up on Laundry. I stink at Laundry! So all this to say, THANKS FOR Writing this Post. It gives us other WAHM’s at chance to feel normal when pinterest so often tells us we aren’t!
Blessings! :)
Um. This kind of made me tear up a bit. I think I have surrounded myself with too many people who do it all. Or at least pretend to do it all. A lot of days I feel like I don’t have my stuff together and I don’t know where to begin to clean up this chaos that is my house.
I don’t know you…I mean this is my first day checking out your blog even. But I can’t tell you how encouraging it is to “hear” these words coming from someone so many people obviously look up to. I mean look at your comments and emails and questions.
So I guess i am just saying thank you. Thank you for being real and speaking the words I guess I really needed to hear today.
-your newest follower =)
Well this just blessed my heart! I, like you, have 4 young boys– ages 6, 5, 2 and 1. Life is FULL!! It is so freeing to know you aren’t alone and that, while I try my hardest to make good choices for my boys and our family, I can’t do everything. And it’s not even healthy to pretend I do. I want to bless others with my honesty in the same way you’ve blessed me today. Thank you!
i am feeling a little guilty that i am enjoying this so much…. ha!
here’s mine:
i shower 3x/week AT the MOST.
i never, ever wash my make-up off at night. i let my pillow do that.
i clean my bathrooms like, once every two weeks… usually if guests are coming over and i have to scrub the ring out of the toilet.
i can never get half of the things done that i want to. i usually end up chasing my 16-month old around outside, but i think that’s a good thing!
i don’t work out, ever.
and i needed this!!!! it has been so refreshing to read these posts. for a time i thought, “how can i do everything i need to do?” and lately i have been realizing my question really needs to be “how can i find happiness and peace **not** doing everything i need to do?”
i have really tried to just focus on the little things, the simple things. (i’m not saying i’m good at it, but it’s my goal). my goals for every day are pray, read my scriptures/spiritually enlightening material, love my husband, love my baby, feed my baby (he has allergy/underweight issues)… and that’s it. if i can do those few things, i can feel good about my day!!
i often blog about my journey to find joy in motherhood, http://www.rachaelmulder.blogspot.com … i’d love to hear from you!
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