I hate hearing “No”. I absolutely hate it. It scares me, it embarrasses me, and I’m pretty sure I avoid it at every stinking opportunity.
I’d imagine, if you are like a lot of other American women, you don’t particularly like hearing “No” either. Maybe you’re scared of that very tiny word, too? Maybe you don’t like stirring the waters, rocking the boat, making a scene, or starting anything. But, BUT, this can’t be. Not if you’re going to live a life of passion! I can’t anymore run from the word “No” and expect a passionate and amazing life than you could remain illiterate and plan to read each and every classic.
I plan to hear “No” 100 times in the near future. (Go to Life as an Artistprenuer for the backstory and a really pretty FREE download to keep track of those “No’s”). If I can achieve this task by December 31, 2012, I’m going to buy myself this nice little present. I figure that by the time I’ve heard “No” 100x in a year, I’ll no longer be afraid of that answer. I’ll look down and remember that “No” isn’t that bad, and really if you ask the right question–you’ll get “Yes” more than you’ll get “No”.
I’ve been at this for the whole month of January, and I haven’t even gotten 5 full “No’s” yet. But, I have gotten a lot more opportunities than I would had I not asked. Not many people value a timid and polite woman. You can be bold and respectful, and I bet you’ll start seeing some amazing things happen. And, if you do hear “No”, I can also promise that it’s not as bad as you’d think.
If you’re working towards a “No” goal, you start thinking of questions that will likely garner a “No”. (Because people are going to keep saying “Yes”!!). Those are the big, scary, important, exciting questions. The ones that feel weighty. Those are the ones that will likely bear good and exciting fruit. Ask those questions. Get comfortable asking big, scary, important, and exciting questions. If you do it enough big, scary, important, and exciting things are bound to happen.
By the time my Year of 100 Golden “No’s” is over, I’m sure I’ll be able to say I’ve conquered my fear of hearing that one little word. I’ll be able to look down at my hand and know that I’ve heard “No” before and I survived.
I have to conquer this fear of “No”. It is certainly no way to live life, and it makes for a terrible story…don’t you think?
What is the scariest question you’ve ever asked? Did you hear “No”? What was the hardest “No” you’ve heard? What did you take away from that?
47 Comments on "100 golden no’s"
What a fantastic idea for a way to put a positive spin on something that is so hard to hear.
You’ve got me thinking – what big yes do I want to hear so I can start asking those scary questions?
What a challenge! It’s infinitely easier to never ask than to risk hearing ‘no’. I love that you are pushing yourself to something bigger and better, even when ‘no’ might be the result. You’ve inspired me to lean in to those big, scary, important things rather than push away out of fear.
oh, i’ve been tempted to push away out of fear. very tempted.
What a great way to leave your comfort zone. Life’s so much easier and unfulfilling when you don’t push the envelope, but so rewarding when you do. I think this will help me achieve my goals for 2012. Thanks for posting!
What an intriguing idea! I need to think about this more. Thank you for talking about it.
Love this! I really need to stop telling myself “no” in order to even be able to start this. Because isn’t that how it always is in your own head, telling yourself “no” you can’t do or handle such and such.
yeah…i generally avoid reading things i know will kick my butt. you can’t “unhear” or “unlearn” something…and then you’re accountable to yourself. eep! i do that all the time!
I’m gonna come back & read this a fwe more times before I leave a ‘real’ comment. I like this Hayley….
xo, friend.
So, I’ve had a week or so to think over this & even apply it(so unlike me to even remember!!) and it seems that stepping out of my comfort zone and asking things that are a little uncertain & unnerving has actually paid off. It really is harder to get NOs than what you think. :)
Holy Cow. This is just what I needed today! Thank you for sharing! I am definitely gonna print that 100 Nos Printable and get to work! This next thought isn’t quite complete yet, but what about our own “saying no” – what 100 or 10 things should we say “no” to in our lives to make room for the incredible “yes” answers that need to come! Maybe I’ll make 2 lists! One for nos I need to make and one for nos I need to hear.
Love and Blessings, girl!
great idea!
what a neat idea … no’s are so hard!
Oooo I love this post! I am a new reader, and loving your site already. I am going to repost this on my own site for my customers and readers to consider. I’d love a banner to link to this site and challenge to get other people excited and involved. A whole community of “no-chasers”! Imagine the results!
This is a bit insignificant, but I am SO tired of being the mousy doormat, so today at a overpriced thrift shop, I actually asked if they were at all flexible with their pricing, and the clerk dropped the price by a $1 (It was a frame marked $4). It never hurts to ask. I have to learn to say no more at work, but my job is SO political that if I’m not the yes girl, I will make enemies quickly, and won’t that recommendation I am working for. :P
“AN overpriced” and “won’t GET the” ARRGH.
I’ve become a lot less afraid of confrontation since having kids and staying home. I don’t know what it is about being a mom – but I feel like I have a stronger voice. That being said, I too, I’m often terrified of the word no. It’s inspiring to hear you haven’t received too many “nos” and that they weren’t too difficult to take :)
see, it’s so interesting that you say that. sometimes I feel like since staying home with my boys I’ve lost my nerve a little bit. i don’t interact as much with the “big bad world” and so i don’t hear no very often. i pretty much craft our world as i see fit…and no doesn’t play into that often. so, it is a muscle i definitely have to exercise. :) i’m so glad that you’ve found the opposite to be true. way to go, mama. xo.
What a great idea! I’ve been working on creative business the last 2 weeks through taking an ecourse. Anyway, in class we have been working on our WHO and WHY and a big part of having my own business has always been the fear of people saying “NO”. I appreciate your perspective on this stumbling block and look forward to using a similar No Goal when I start building my business!
Thank you.
yes, this has helped me immensely from standing on the sidelines watching other people do amazing things!
I’m not an ‘American woman’ but I don’t like ‘nos’ either!
If I’d accepted any of the ‘nos’ that came my way in the decade that we tried to have children (through pregnancy and ultimately adoption) my beautiful daughter would not be here with me today. The process certainly made me more to stick up for what I need and want, whether small or more significant..
i would imagine not very many people LIKE hearing no. sorry to think us American ladies had that market cornered. ;) glad you were able to stand up for your family and build it beautifully.
Oh I love this! I’m 58 and one of the lessons in life I’ve learned is … no one ever died from hearing the word “no”. Doesn’t mean I enjoy hearing it but I have learned to push through my fear (most of the time). This reinforces my belief that if I can “celebrate a NO” then the rewards are endless! I’ve signed up to follow you because I can’t wait to see what else you write about!!!
love that! i hate hearing no, but i’ve not died yet.
I love this. The idea, your enthusiastic words, all of it. It’s very inspirational and necessary for me at the moment. Thank you.
i’m nothing if not enthusiastic. ;)
Found you through Makeunder My Life. This is so true! Love it. Thanks for the reminder to take chances, ask questions, and see what’s possible.
see what’s possible. yes, that. i think a lot of the time, i don’t ask because then i’d be required to make a reality out of that dream.
“No” is a difficult thing for people to hear because it’s perceived as an end to whatever is being requested (a raise, promotion, an idea, etc). I think it’s just an opportunity to refine whatever led to the “no” in order to get a “yes.” You never know, the refined idea/proposal may be even better than what you originally had in mind! :)
This completely resonates with me! I’ve always been scared of the word no, and because of it I pretty much avoid asking for things at all costs unless I know that I am likely to hear a yes. I love that you are intending to conquer your fear! Thanks for posting about this, I got here from Makeunder My Life and I’ll definitely be back!
Oh wow, I am so inspired. I was working on a similar post today and read Jess Constable tweet to read this post. You said it way better than I could, but it gave me the motivation to finish on my blog post and post it. I am going to be more daring, asking for what I want/need, hearing the noes, improving my craft, asking for what I need/want, hearing the noes, working on excellence, asking for what I need/want….somewhere in there are my yeses and opportunities and open doors.
Thank you so much!
I really love this idea! I tend to take the safe bet — I never really thought of “no” as a road to the bigger “yes.” Thanks!
I love this. I can’t stop thinking about it. So much of the time I work so hard to position everything just so and only ask questions where I’ll get the YES I so want to hear. To be brave enough to hear NO feels….so ballsy. I love ballsy.
Thanks for posting this. I’m sure I’ll continue to absorb these ideas in the week ahead.
I’m trying to become a children’s book illustrator, and last year I sent out my first batch of promotional postcards to publishers. The response was…..nothing, a big silent “no.” That’s discouraging, but I know that I just need to work harder!
GREAT idea! Love it and will implement immediately!
That is such a great idea. I’m going put it into my “living intentionally” plan.
I NEEDED this post today. There are two huge somethings in my life right now, both of which I feel God really wants me to pursue, that are basically one big no after the other these days. Clinging to the fact that no’s mean it’s something big and scary and brave. I like being brave; it fits me just right. Thanks for the encouragement!
I’m loving this. I find myself not moving forward with plans even when doors open because I’m waiting for that second shoe labeled “no” to drop. I need to start pushing forward even if “no” does happen. Eventually a “yes” will appear on that path I’m meant to walk. Thank you for this reminder.
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