blogging while being #1 mom

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I am my boys’ #1 mom.

I said it.

I am.

I also battle all the time whether I’m doing the right thing by spending the time I do away from them.

As a family, we’ve chosen that I be a “quantity time mom” at the sacrifice of some “quality time”.  I could put my 2 younger guys in daycare and then spend the bits of time we have together in really intense and quality ways.  BUT, we’ve chosen to spend our days in a different way.

I spend lots of time with the boys, but there are hours during the day where they are playing at my feet while I’m writing, working, or joining a meeting.  I’m not entirely sure which is best, quantity or quality, and I know there isn’t a right answer.

I grew up at daycare, and while I certainly wasn’t scarred or slighted by any stretch of imagination–I always envied my friends that lived lives a bit less scheduled and a bit more in their own home environment.  So, that’s what I’ve tried to allow my kids.  I’ve conceded that I am not a Pinterest mom with crafts and story time and homeschooling.  But, I also wonder if sometimes the boys feel like they fall second to my work.

I don’t do mom-guilt.  I shun it at every possible pass.  However, this is one bit of life that I roll around like a rock in a tumbler.  I wonder which route is best, which route is best for us.  But, like everything in life, I’m sure there are seasons, I’m sure there is grace, and I’m absolutely certainly sure there is no right answer.

Are you a mom?  Do you “mother” like you thought you would?  Did you think you’d be in the role/routine you chose?


If you’d like to check out a couple posts featuring The No Brainer Blog, head to Blossom and Vine, Life Rearranged, or Create Like Crazy!


  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I am a homeschooling mom, but never in a million years did I intend to be! I was one of these moms who couldn’t wait to get rid of her children in the morning, and was dreading them coming home from school in the afternoon!

    God had to literally push me into a corner (amazing story!) or I would never have homeschooled.

    BUT, having said that, I do love working, and love doing “my own thing” too. So, like you, I have somewhat of a battle to somehow fit in both worlds.

    I really appreciate your honesty. I am quite content at the moment with the way things are going with motherhood. It is only because, with my hubby, we came up with a plan of specific hours and chunks of time during each week that I will be busy blogging and doing MY stuff, while during the rest of the time, I’ll be available to the family.

    It’s working really well… To God be the Glory!

    • Reply November 27, 2012

      Tiny Twig

      We definitely have that sort of situation arranged, too. I think part of it for me is coming to terms with the idea that being “available to my family” sometimes means that my time is available to work…because that working is blessing our family in the ways that the Lord is leading us. It’s all tension, you know? I think that pushes me ever back to God for guidance. :) Do you love homeschooling?

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    Carlie V.

    When I decided to be a WAHM, in my mind it was synonymous with SAHM. What could be better? Quality time with my baby girl, AND I get to continue helping support our family financially.

    Now that I’ve had a little experience, and got my mothering options dictionary sorted out, I totally AM happy with the decision to work from home, but part of me wishes that I could spend more quality time with Annika, so my heart is right there with yours.

    I’m still very new to this lifestyle (Annika is only 7 months, and I technically have 4.5 months of paid maternity leave left), so I’m constantly adjusting and trying new ways of doing things while I still have that luxury. Sometimes I spend more time with Annika and less with work, sometimes it’s the other way around, and I crave a little more balance. I’d be happy to hear more about your journey as a WAHM.

    • Reply November 27, 2012

      Tiny Twig

      A) The wise Emily Freeman shared at The Influence Conference that she found more peace and joy looking at “balance” as a whole life thing rather than a 24 hour period sort of thing. I love that…sometimes more, sometimes less…but overall it has the “balance” we’re seeking.

      B) I would really love to explore and communicate more about my life as a WAHM. :)

      • Reply November 27, 2012

        Carlie V.

        I think that Emily wrote a blog post about this kind of balance recently (or someone did, I know I read it… but I just can’t remember) and it was what got me thinking about it in the first place.
        It’s inspiring to see other mom’s like you and Emily learning to give themselves so much grace because it’s hard to do in the moment when you need to get that blog post up, or write that freelance article and the baby wants you to open the doors on her pop-up toy so she can close them for the hundredth time. :)

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I’m a SAHM the majority of the time, though I do work outside of the home one day a week. I love it. They have a sitter they love (who loves them so much!) and I get a little space from the mothering monotony. I think it is mutually beneficial.

    When I get home from work, I’m really ready to engage my kids and play with them. When I’m home with them all day, I’m usually only half-engaged with them and half doing various household tasks. So sometimes work has that advantage, as well- the time I see them after work is much more “present” time.

    I’m curious to check back in and see how others respond. You asked some good questions!

    • Reply November 27, 2012

      Tiny Twig

      Katharine! I think your response hit the nail on the head about how so many moms feel. :)

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    hmmm. interesting thoughts, interesting questions.
    no way, no how anywhere near what i thought i’d be as a mom.
    always wanted my life to look pretty much the same as my mom’s did while i was a kid. i wanted to be home. all of the time.
    and while i’m here most of the time, and i’m homeschooling (which i always wanted to do), i also re-entered the workplace nine years ago, when my oldest was only six years old! never, ever foresaw that happening. and while i’m only there as minimally as i can manage, it’s not my ideal, and i find myself struggling to find that happy place where no mommy guilt exists :-)
    continuing to seek God’s purposes wherever we find ourselves–that’s what i strive for always. and that’s what i hope to instill in my kiddos. that no situation is unique to HIM. He can be found in them all.
    that being said, we constantly re-examine to make sure we are where He wants us to be. . .
    happy Tuesday!

    • Reply November 27, 2012

      Tiny Twig

      yes! the tension that pushes us back to the Lord. :) that’s kind of Him, right? :)

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    Well, I am one of those homeschooling, crafty, story time moms … but that certainly isn’t where I thought I’d be. 15 years ago I didn’t even want to have children, and now I have four :-)

    When my first child was born I thought I’d be one of those moms whose house is always in order (mythical creatures?) and who bakes cookies every day to snack on after school when the kids get home. I thought my children would be in lots of sports and clubs, because that was what I enjoyed as a kid.

    I thought I’d be the wife who greeted her husband every day with a home cooked meal, and a spotless clean home. While wearing a super cute outfit and NEVER yoga pants and yesterday’s tee shirt. Because that was who I was before I became a mother.

    And, I’m not that mom.

    It turns out those things, while very nice, just aren’t where my mothering strengths lie. For this season of life (with four kids, three of whom are age 6 and under) that is fine. I’m happy with where I am. I think my kids and husband are happy, too. :-)

    • Reply November 27, 2012

      Carlie V.

      Kara, I’m not where I thought I’d be either.

      Before Annika was born, I thought for sure I’d be back to work even before my mat leave had lapsed (in Canada we’re enormously lucky to eligible for a full year). I told my boss that I was sure I’d need some time away from the baby and to expect me back for a shift or two a week within a few months. I was independant and free-spirited and I didn’t have a clue.

      The second I looked into her eyes I knew that I never wanted to give her care over to anyone else (unless our financial circumstances were beyond my control). I’m still independant and free-spirited, but now I have a constant companion and I couldn’t be happier for her company.

      I’m still trying to figure out where my mothering strengths lie (Annika is only 7 months, so I’m trying to give myself some grace, which in this age of Pinterest-perfect moms, can be difficult) and hopefully being a WAHM will give me the freedom to figure those out on my terms.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I totally thought I would be a more patient Mom than I am. I work full-time and thought if I went that route I’d be fully present every moment when I was home…the reality is that sometimes I’m tired and phone-it-in. Sometimes I am totally awesome and have a dinner plan and a craft; but also have kids that don’t behave, so no craft….BUT, sometimes the stars align and I have dinner and a craft and well-behaved children and it’s wonderful!
    Actually it’s all wonderful, just different than my 20 year-old self imagined.

    • Reply November 27, 2012


      “Actually it’s all wonderful, just different than my 20 year-old self imagined.”

      Exactly! And if you had told me back then I probably wouldn’t have believed you anyway.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I love that you said your a “quantity mom” I am there with you as we’ll and I don’t even have a thriving business the way you do. I feel like between the cleaning and errands, my desire to create and the need for me to cook, my kids are left to play on their own a lot. I feel a little guilt, but I also see his good it is for them to problem solve and imagine with each other. I think the key word is balance. Loved this post friend!!

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    Heather @ Heather's Dish

    I’m kind of in the same boat, although I only have one kiddo. Being a work at home mom is definitely different than I thought it would be, and I sometimes feel guilty about working while he’s playing. But the way I see it is that I’m there, I have the freedom to take breaks (and I do!) to play with him, feed him, and go do things with him. I choose to work while he’s contentedly playing by himself, but I make a point to do the bulk of the work while he’s napping or at night. I know it’s all going to change as he continues to grow and sleep less and be more active, but I’m OK with that!

    You’re doing a great job honey!

    • Reply November 27, 2012

      lindsey kubly

      heather – I love that you mentioned the freedom of working at home. sometimes, it is easy to get bogged down by guilt and not feel the freedom. wise words.

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    lindsey kubly

    Dreaming about being a SAHM, I thought I would be both quantity and quality all the time. In reality, I am adjusting to the idea that sometimes just quantity is ok.

    I think mothering today is uniquely different than in the past. When mothers’ hands were busy with the work of hand-washing clothes, making meals from scratch, washing all dishes by hand, making their own clothes, etc… those mothers couldn’t often sit on the floor and entertain their children either. Our modern conveniences have freed our hands, and we have options like writing, working, etc…

    Regardless of how you choose to keep your hands busy in a modern world – I think it is healthy for kids to see mothers working (in the home or otherwise). I am still figuring out what it looks like for our family.

    • Reply February 5, 2013


      I appreciated Your comment, Lindsey. I’m adjusting to more quantity too as naptime has vanished and they are beginniing to play happily together for longer lengths of time. True that motherhood is so different than it was in the past. With technology and options to stay home AND work while keeping our kids with us….it’s amazing, but challenging! We always feel like we should or could be doing more, I think. Mommy guilt is stronger with all the options we have in life! I’m still trying to figure out what my exact role should be in our family too!!

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    Beth P

    I struggle with this every day. Can’t wait until this evening to come back & read all the comments & get some great advice.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    Oh Haley, I battle with this question a lot. Behr will be two years old in January and I have been a work outside the home 60+ hours/week. But when baby number two arrives this Spring, We will all be transitioning home together. Similarly, I was at daycare while my mom worked until she stayed home after baby #2.

    I wonder a lot about Behr’s energy and extroverted self. Will I be able to entertain and challenge him. I worry about my own weakness – my temper, how I get easily flustered when knocked off schedule, my selfishness for my own time. How will I juggle and balance.

    While I know the burden of my 8-6 job will be gone, I want to grow my internet job – blogging, etsy shop, etc into more of a business for my family. It is something I currently love doing and as it grows, I get more excited, but I kow that propelling that growth will take work.

    I am convinced things won’t be easier, just different…but the uncertainty of what it will look like can be overwhelming.

    • Reply November 27, 2012


      *Hayley…how do I always seem to forget the first “y” ?!

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    deva at deva by definition

    My mom homeschooled us while being a WAHM. The time we got with her was quality and quantity and something I treasure. It was good for us to see her doing what she needed to do and learning how to keep ourselves occupied while she was busy, but she also included us a lot in her work, too.

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    Lauren Casper

    I am not at all the mom I thought I’d be back when we first decided to grow our family. I attribute a lot of that to unexpectedly experiences years of infertility and the loss of our first two babies. When we finally brought our son home from Ethiopia nearly two years ago I found that those years of suffering had changed me and I had a new perspective. I worry and stress about the little things far less than I would have before. I am no where near as structured and strict as I thought I’d be. Then toss in the curve ball of autism and wow things are different than I planned! Now I have to parent my son completely differently than I parent my new daughter who doesn’t have autism. It’s always new every day and every day I am wondering if I’m doing it best for our family. I think that’s good. It forces me to always strive for better and keeps me humble. I know now that I’ll never be one of those moms who thinks she has it all figured out! haha

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I assumed I’d stay at home when we had kids, and that’s what I’ve done. I love my kiddos desperately and am glad I stay home with them, but I’ll admit that I find that I need a creative outlet, and am trying to figure it all out. For now though, staying home is the best option for us.

    • Reply November 27, 2012


      I too am a stay at home mom. With children 5, 2, and 1 being at home was the best option. Your comment regarding the need for a creative outlet really hits home. I am still seeking something in addition to raising a family to help fill my cup.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I’m a mom of one 3.5 half year old and I work outside of the home full-time with a substantial commute (being away from home for 11 hours each week day). So generally I have from 4:30pm-7pm with my daughter during the week. This time includes driving home after daycare, making dinner and getting her ready for bed. Every night after dinner my husband or I or both of us are on the floor with her playing, interacting, making memories. While we may not have “quantity time” we do work hard for “quality time”. Guilt will often come when I have to unexpectedly stay home with her (sickness/no daycare provider for the day) and it’s difficult to be present at home when I’m supposed to be at work. If it’s a planned day off, I feel free to enjoy myself but I do generally think all day how I can’t settle where I am because I’m not supposed to be there. It’s all in my head, honestly. But still it’s difficult to overcome not feeling like I’m a committed employee because I have outside responsibilities that take my attention away from what I’m being paid to do.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I am a mom. I left my job almost 7 years ago to be a mom at home. While I do activities with my kids-reading, library, crafts,games, coloring,playgroup outings, I don’t think any mom needs to be actively playing with their children all day long. My kids will play with me a little bit, then play on their on, through out the day.
    I never thought I’d be a stay at home mom. I also never imagined when I had kids how much there is to do at home besides take care of the kids. Yes I do spend time online or reading or crafting, to break up my day but I don’t think it makes me less of a mom, it makes me feel like there is time for me during the day, because all moms feel the drain of taking care of everything and everyone 24/7.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I’m definitely a mom who is different with my second than I was with my first. After my first daughter was born, I remember realizing that while my pre-mom personality was always described as laid back, my mom personality was more strict. I was very careful with sleeping and eating cycles and was just a lot more Type A than I was before. Then came baby #2, and I feel like I took what I learned with baby #1 and swirled it around with laid-back Kristi. So mom personality #2 was/is more like pre-mom Kristi (or Retro-Kristi as I’ve called it before!).
    One thing I do try to stay committed to is being free to allow myself to change. Just because I did something with one child doesn’t mean I have to do it with both of them. My parents modeled this well and I love feeling the freedom to do what needs to be done with out the pressure of precedent!

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I’m a stay at home mom. Never in a million years thought I’d be here. I went to college, worked my butt off, got my nursing degree, got a great job, had a bunch of kids…and quit. It just made sense with my husband’s schedule and even though I hated the idea, I did it and tried to smile.

    But now that they’re getting older and the end of my husband’s schedule is in sight…I sort of can’t see going back to work any time soon. I don’t really enjoy spending time with my kids (they’re REALLY loud) but I was a latch key kid (do people still call it that?) and I can’t bear the thought of them coming home to an empty house. Or having to get a ride home from swim practice.

    Makes me feel like I should volunteer in their classes more. I think a lot of the other moms assume I work because I don’t participate, but I just don’t like to do that sort of thing, plus I have two littles still. I dunno. I never comment, but this post REALLY made me think.

  • Reply November 27, 2012

    Claire @ My Devising

    I’m a SAHM of a 13 month old boy. I teach piano lessons a few days a week from home, but since it only takes up 5 hours a week, I don’t really consider myself as “working from home.” So far, motherhood is surely different than I expected. But as far as the route goes, I’ve taken the one that I kind of always thought I’d take. However, I do see how in the future, with more kids and (hopefully) more dreams being accomplished, it could get trickier and start looking different. I love your perspective on quality vs. quantity. I think there surely are seasons for both. And you’re right, we all just do the best we can for each of our families. And that’s the right thing to do!

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I hope you have a t-shirt that says “#1 mom” on it :)

  • I am literally two weeks into a life change after being laid off. I adored my company and had struck a good balance of trying to keep most of the balls in the air. We pulled our three year old out of full time daycare and now he just goes two mornings a week for their circle time. The transition has been delightful. I’m enjoying my new role more than I thought. It has given me more time with my son and more time to try to grow my blog. It has been the best! I think that for me, the ideal things would be to work part time out of the house (no more than 15 hours a week or so) but I am determined to let my desires marinate with the Lord.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    I had a mom who stayed at home with us when we were little, and what I treasure most is all the time she allowed us as siblings to play and bond together when we were little! Mom never played with us…she was too busy running the house, etc…we played with each other and now we are grown up best friends.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    Quality time comes from quantity time. You can’t force quality, it happens organically because of quantity. So good on you! If you’re present, you’ll recognize opportunities for quality time.

  • Reply November 27, 2012


    As a single girl who has a lot of friends with kids who I spend lots of time with, I am privy to watching a lot of different “styles” of parenting. And I love it.
    Love doesn’t have a time frame and it really shouldn’t have rules about how to do it.
    To me love looks like keeping your kids safe, making sure they giggle more than cry, and love sounds like the Gospel being spoken often.
    My Mom was at home until I was 8 and in those years, we spent lots of time together, but it wasn’t always “kid stuff”. She let me live her life. We had adventures and she taught me how to serve and volunteer and love others. She did that by doing it.
    Nobody would question whether or not you love your kids. Just keep on loving them. You’re doing a great job.

  • Reply November 28, 2012


    oh wow. such good words, Hayley and oh, how i understand.
    i have four kids under the age of 7 and i struggle. i not only write and blog, but i also am a sign language interpreter. thankfully my job is such that i can accept or reject assignments at my discretion, but this also means that my schedule can change quickly.

    i try to have “blackout dates”–dates that no matter what assignment may come through my phone, I will say “no”. other times i have to be willing to accept whatever comes my way because of bills or lack of other work. it’s a balance.

    i have found that i have to be super-sensitive to my children’s moods–something i’m still working on. if they’re starting to be “scared” at night, not wanting to go to bed, or whiny (more than usual) then i know I need to just spend some quality time with them.

    mom guilt? i try to ascribe to an idea of you have to do what you have to do. for us that means i work weird hours.

  • Reply November 28, 2012


    In the way of encouragement, it is a wonderful and comforting thing for them just to BE playing at your feet. It’s GOOD for them to learn to make use of their own time while still having the comfort of you there when they need you. It’s clear from reading your blog that the main priority of your heart {aside from loving God} is to be a great mama and that in itself makes all the difference.

  • Reply November 28, 2012

    Kristin Stewart

    I always thought I would be a working mother. I would teach my daughter that woman can do more than be a wife and mother. And then I had my daughter.
    She’s 9 months old and I am a stay at home mother for our forseeable future, hoping to welcome more babies into our family.
    After she was born, I felt my heart change. Away from what I liked to do and more toward what was good for her.
    My husband and I prayerfully considered it and decided that we wanted her to be parented by her parents and not by strangers in a daycare. We are on the other side of the country from our families so that isn’t an option. So now I am staying at home with my little girl and resting in that decision for our family for this season.
    I really like reading your blog!

  • Reply November 28, 2012


    I am now a work-outside-the-home mom two days a week and a SAHM for the rest of the week. God clearly opened the door for me to take a part-time teaching job where my kids go to school, but I still struggle 4 months into if it was the right decision for all of us. I worked my tail off to get a master’s degree and wanted to use it and now that I am, I am not so sure I need to be teaching right now. And it’s what you said, Hayley, I think I am a “quantity” mom. I want to be there with my kids as much as I can. It’s hard because once again I find myself in a grey area teaching four year olds two days a week when really I want to be home with my son and daughter. My daughter goes to kindergarten next year and I am already sad. The time goes by so fast and the longer I am a mom, the more I realize that.

  • Reply November 28, 2012


    This is a really lovely post. I appreciate your honesty so much. I’m writing this with my 16 month old on my lap. And I feel guilty about that. :)

  • Reply November 28, 2012


    I am a SAHM mom and enjoying it. Personally I do the crafting thing, I blog here and there, and am involved in some volunteer work. I’ve discovered that while I am thankful for flexibility to hang out with my son I also need outside activity and hobbies on a regular basis. I got really antsy the first year when I wasn’t very involved in outside activities. My hope is to work part-time in the next year or so. That feels like a great fit for me!

  • Reply November 28, 2012


    This is such a great post! I’m a SAHM while trying to start a small business on the side. I can relate to so much of what you said. I think this motherhood thing is different for every family. I love that you shun mom guilt. It is sooo not from the Lord. I like to check in with Him in regards to how I’m spending my time. Every now and then I may have to make adjustment to my schedule and I trust Him to show if I need to change things up. I love that we can trust Him to do that:)

  • Reply November 29, 2012


    I’m a stay-at-home mom to a 2 yo son, and while I always knew if I had kid(s), I’d stay home, it’s still a different experience than I expected. I enjoy the crafting and story time and all that stuff, but I also think it’s important for my son see his mother engage in her passions as well; so sometimes I’ll do a little sewing while he sorts fabric for me, or I’ll set him up to “work” next to me while I blog. It works for my son and for our family, and that’s all I need.

  • Reply November 30, 2012

    Becky Marie

    Growing up, I never planned to get married let alone have kids. I have surprised myself by embracing the parenting style that my parents used (and made me crazy at the time!). I stay home and we homeschool. Its working for us in this season with young kids, only God knows if we’ll always stay this way.

  • Reply December 4, 2012

    Trina |

    I haven’t heard it put that way… “quality time mom” vs. “quantity time mom.” In some ways, just that terminology affords me a little grace in our own routine. We’re currently in the quality time scenario. Although in a couple years when they’re away at school all day, I picture myself moving into the quantity time. A season for everything, right?

  • Reply December 6, 2012


    I can totally say I am not the mom I planned to be. God had way too much up His sleeve for me to ever imagine the life I’m living now years ago. I’ve been blessed to be a SAHM mom ever since the first of my 3 kiddos was born. Hubby convinced me to pray about being a homeschooler and God changed my heart to make it my desire. After birthing 3 kids, we were feeling called to adopt. For some reason, it just wasn’t working out. When my youngest was 3.5, we accepted a job as houseparents at a children’s home for boys. Now I’m mama to 6 extra teens, I homeschool while the big boys are at public school, and actually get a paycheck for all the mothering I do. So, I’m still intentional about being at home, get to mother to my heart’s content, and am able to contribute financially to the family. Only God could dream that up!

  • Reply January 1, 2013

    Ginger Unzueta

    So happy to stop by here again….I’ve always enjoyed your posts on The Creative Mama. I can totally relate to this and always have to thank Moms who share their hearts so openly. I think we all have to step out and love and support one another and let each other know there is Grace. For the past two years we have home schooled our children…and indeed it was God’s plan and direction for our family and such a gift to us to be quite honest. But like you mention, it is more difficult to find that time to carve out OUR time. I think it is essential as women to follow our own loves and desires too, but while still giving our children the best of us. Great thoughts here today. happy new year!!

  • Reply January 15, 2013


    Working and “mommying” and feeling like you’re doing good at both will always be a struggle I think because, let’s face it, we’re women and we want to be all things and do them well right?! It’s in our DNA. I know I do, so when I feel something is lagging, whether it be my family, work, etc., I am un-settled. I honestly don’t think this feeling will ever go away b/c I strive for excellence in all areas, but when I see one thing is suffering, I say Ok, I am going to spend time with my family and work, you will have to wait. Or, if work stuff needs to get done, I do it, because I know in the end that it won’t always be this hectic. Setting boundaries has also helped such as “It’s this time & I’m done working for the day”. It’s give and take and definitely having open communication (and prayer :) with my spouse and having him fill in gaps where I can’t and vise versa really helps.

  • What a sweet and thoughtful post–something I think about ALL the time. I am a stay at home mom t0 4, and my 4th will head to school in year and a half. i struggle all the time with quality vs. quantity and days vary. Some days I’m one, some days I’m the other. I saw on the small things blog that you are headed to blissdom–me too! I hope we can meet up!!!

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