There is something really beautiful about not doing it all.
The secret thing is this…you can live with margin and choose to do what is of highest value to you.
When you consciously let go of the expectation of doing things you don’t value, you create room to do the things that are important to you.
Many of you said that you don’t clean as often as you feel like you should. Maybe, though, you clean as often as feels important to your family. Maybe the opportunity cost of spending a Tuesday cooped up indoors cleaning is too high. Maybe your family feels more at home in the great outdoors than enclosed in the shiniest, spot free windows in the neighborhood. Maybe, then, it is more important and more loving to your family to forgo the spotless windows in favor of an afternoon hiking or making snow angels or laying in the grass.
I don’t buy organic or fuss over groceries because since I had baby #2, it was of highest importance to me that I always be able to grocery shop with all of my kids in tow. I had to have the confidence that I could accomplish the task and accomplish it quickly. I knew I would never do it if I made it more complicated than it needed to be. When we lived in Charlotte, I didn’t have family around and I didn’t have the luxury of handing off the kids to grocery shop in peace. I can do that now, but because I have a good system I can do it easily and quickly–even with all 3 boys.
What I am saying is this…don’t let your choices make you feel inferior. Use your power of choice to create room in your life to pursue what is important to you, what makes you tick, what gets you going, what makes you passionate. Saying no to one thing allows you to do something else. Refusing to do something out of obligation or guilt allows you to put time into what you value and what your family values.
Don’t let society, or blogs, or other women, or the way your mom did things rule the way you live your life. Don’t mop your floor everyday because your mother would wag her finger at you if you didn’t…mop that floor everyday ONLY (only, only, only!!) if you feel like singing while you do it, if it makes you come alive. Do things because you actively make the decision to do them, not passively because you feel like you ought.
My kids dress in simple clothes because being able to be out to door in 15 minutes with no gnashing of teeth is incredibly important to me. My house is not spotless because I choose to pursue Tiny Twig and the women who gather here (this is NOT a cleaning blog, after all!). I don’t buy organic because I don’t have a money tree and I like to grocery shop very quickly and reliably.
Choosing to make time to read a book or do a craft or pursue a passion is not idle. It is not unworthy. You do not need to be dictated by our high-performing, high-achieving, never-resting, always-moving society. No one gets a medal on their deathbed for cleanest showers.
Pursue the things and ideas and people you love. Let go of the things that hinder that pursuit. After all, sometimes crumbs on the floor make people feel at home…able to just be in a place and with a person that isn’t perfect either.
came across this old favorite and it was too good not to share!
46 Comments on "make room for what you value"
Best thing I’ve read all week. You are so right. I’ve been learning this same thing lately (must be the 3 kid mark?) and life has been so much richer and more satisfying with room to breathe and an emphasis on what’s most important to me.
As for the other stuff, I recently started a home management binder and it’s made all the difference for me! I write about scheduling room to breathe and how its working for me here…http://www.trinaholden.com/2012/02/workhorse-of-binder-your-daily-docket.html
Great post! My favorite is “Choosing to make time to read a book or do a craft or pursue a passion is not idle. It is not unworthy. ” Thanks for the reminder today. I also am one who doesn’t have a spotless house because it DOES NOT MATTER TO ME! I don’t live in filth, but sparkly clean floors are not more important than creativity to me. Thanks for reminding us all :)
Love this!!! Needed it. xo
Jess
I so needed to read this post today. I’m turning 50 next week and my mind is full of things I should do now that I’m “that old”. Your post reminded me that life should be about filling our days with what makes us happy and what brings joy to other people. I’m going back to my list of birthday resolutions and crossing off the “should do’s” and replacing them with “want to’s”. Thank you so much for this inspiring post!
Love this. I’m normally a pretty decent housekeeper because I enjoy a clean house, but I’m currently taking a sewing class (because I have a long-time dream of really being able to sew well!) and as a result, my vacuum isn’t leaving its closet more than once a week. It’d be easy to feel like I was dropping the ball, but I’m choosing not to – nourishing my spirit ultimately benefits my family more than a dust-bunny-free existence.
There are seasons for passion and seasons for practicality. Just accept whatever one you’re living it and enjoy it for what it is.
Love those last two sentences!
Perfect post! Loved everything you said…..felt like you expressed my thoughts exactly, but in a much more eloquent way.
I am 54 years old and I have had a house cleaner for almost 10 years. I work right along side her when she comes, I organize, she cleans. Because I don’t function in a cluttery, messy house…..this has been a sanity saver for me! It has not come without sacrifice though. I could buy new curtains or a new rug or even new tennis shoes. But for me, a clean, organized house helps me to feel peaceful, accomplished and reenergized! The biggest bonus…… I rarely sweep my floors, dust, or clean my bathrooms inbetween cleanings. I love to let my grandkids use glitter, glue, sand, playdough and it usually sits on the floor until my Vikki comes!
I often remind myself that I am a “stay at home mom” or ” homemaker”~ not “housekeeper” or ” chef” or “laundress”.
you are quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers! practical, easy to read, refreshing and positive. your first sentence reminded me of an andy stanley bible study our small group did last year on creating margin in your life and saying *no* to some things. i constantly have a *mom devil* on my shoulder when it comes to cleaning ~ my parents stopped by unexpectedly a few months after our third was born. it was summer time so the older two were home also. when they left she said, you have such a beautiful home, it’s a shame you don’t keep it that way. that comment was said almost four years ago and i can still remember it today. i guess i have not gotten my ten positive comments from her since then to erase that one.
This is such a great post, thank you! I appreciate the reminder that we can make conscious choices to do or not do things to create the lives we want.
The cleaning reference really hit home for me. I created a cleaning schedule for my husband and me in January and while it feels great to check some of the things off the list and have a clean space, sometimes I won’t have time to vacuum and mop our floors every. single. week because I’ll have happy hours, or volunteering, or a date, or just need a night to re-group.
I love this line: “Don’t let society, or blogs, or other women, or the way your mom did things rule the way you live your life.”
I’ve really been feeling empowered by my ability (by all of our ability) to make our own intentional choices to create the lives we want. I hope that someday I’ll be able to inspire other women to do the same, just like you are.
Thank you so much! Love everything you said :-)
Wow, Hayley, this was great. Your forthrightness is appreciated. I read this as I sit at my desk at work taking a little break (I teach, & school finishes at 2:15, but I may be here with the custodians at 10P). I am trying to find a better work/life balance. It isn’t really an option to say no to something here. I find myself saying “thank God we don’t have kids,” which is CA-RAZY.
I WANT kids, but I know that I couldn’t be a good parent right now. Btw, a cleaning woman was the best gift my husband every got me/us.
How DO you shop with 3 boys?? Enter that photo in a contest -it WILL win.
I am so, SO thankful for you & this post Hayley. I, for one, am so glad that you choose to pursuit this passion, and not that of a spotless house. You are a blessing to me over & over.
What a great reminder. It’s so easy to get caught up on *blogland* and forget that you’re living YOUR life and that has to make you happy. Thank you for sharing these words.
Wow. I just discovered your blog yesterday and I already love you. Thank you for the inspiring post. It’s easy to feel undervalued, unappreciated, and just feel like you’re not doing enough to be super-mom, super-wife, and super-friend. This post is a reminder to keep everything in perspective. thank you for making my night :)
this is exactly how I like to live my life. I do get caught in the guilt trap sometimes when my mom comes over and finds spiderwebs. but I get over it really quick.
i simply love this. so much guilt to be found amongst ourselves, isn’t there? i feel like you just gave me permission to be free. . . and i didn’t even ask! i will admit i struggle with this and struggle hard. some people place moral value on many of these things. . . as if not spending money on certain things (organic food) is sinful (even though you don’t have that money tree to pull from) or that you don’t care enough about your family to make these things (a clean house) a priority. when the exact opposite is true!
there are only so many hours in a day. so many days in a year. so many years in a lifetime. and i want to make sure that i’m satisfied–that HE’s satisfied–with how i’ve spent them when i meet Him face to face.
have a great weekend!
steph
Beautifully said, as always.
Oh, this is so, so, so good and just what I needed to read. It took me quite some time to realize I didn’t have to live my {married} life to my mothers standards. She’s a perfectionist, and I am not. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Embracing who I am, and who my little family of four is has been freeing.
good word – if you spend all your time pleasing others and making choices based on what you think they would expect of you, it’s quite possible you’ll end up quite dis-pleased in your very own life.
very well said! thanks so much for coming up with this post, it’s very relatable and I ♥ that! Have a good weekend….
Great words…and exactly what I needed to hear! I am new to your blog, but am thoroughly enjoying it!!!
well said!
Thank you Hayley, God has just confirmed in my heart a huge decision I made yesterday through reading your words. Most of my life I have always done what I thought I “should” but for the first time I am making decisions according to what makes me feel excited, pursuing my passion. At last. Thank you – your blog is like a friend reminding me to breathe, it will all be ok! x
SO VERY TRUE!!! Make room for what makes you happy and fuels you passion and creativity. Have a Great Weekend:)
Another great post! My favorite lines are: What I am saying is this…don’t let your choices make you feel inferior. Use your power of choice to create room in your life to pursue what is important to you, what makes you tick, what gets you going, what makes you passionate
I’m putting “Don’t let your choices make you feel inferior” on this month’s inspiration board that I keep in the kitchen.
Thank you!
“You do not need to be dictated by our high-performing, high-achieving, never-resting, always-moving society.”
This line touched me the most. I’m 20 years old and working on a medical secretary certificate program in college. After the program, I will be working in a doctor’s office. I really have no career aspirations. My life dream is to be married to the love of my life and be at home with our children. Even if I do have to work, I can have flexibility as a secretary at a doctor’s office or hospital. People think that I don’t have high enough standards for myself or that I want an easy job. I don’t want to be working 60+ hours a week instead of being at home with my kids. I am so glad that someone understands that some people choose to do what they value most. Thank you so much for this post.
Ashley, Good for you! Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. I tell you that I would love to stay at home with my kiddo but that’s not possible for us. I do like that being a teacher, I get summers with my son but through the year, I work a good 50 hours a week (40 at work and a good 10+ at home doing lesson plans, grading, etc.). Go with what you feel is important. Don’t let anyone judge you for making the best choice for you and your family.
I love you. You are amazing. I love this blog and this post (as well as the I don’t do it all). Thank you for all you do…
I had to let go of a toxic friendship. I handled it badly because I was afraid to say that I choose to BE happy, less judgmental and calm, then BE in the “club”. It was hard and I got my feelings hurt and I think vis versa but, my home life balance has just been wonderful since. I know the step away was the perfect step for us.
Thanks for this post. I needed to read it and be encouraged. I choose to create more room for the things I really love. That are really me.
Hey there! I met you this weekend at BlissDom and knew I had seen your blog before. And it was this post. :) I didn’t comment when I first read it, but I love it. Thank you for sharing your heart.
This was an excellent post! Something I need to remind myself of daily. Choosing to place a priority on the things that mean something to me is such a work in progress for me – especially as it relates to my blog, my housework and my “me” time. Thank you for your insightful words.
Why is it that so many of your posts bring me to tears? God bless you, Hayley. You have done me more good than you will ever know. <3
xo, friend. thanks for your encouragement.
Your blog is the most refreshing thing I have come across in a long time. Thank you for your honesty and sincerity! You see life very similarly to the way I do and it is so nice to know that I am not alone – because I often feel that way. I look forward to connecting with you more!
Thank you for being exactly who you are – the world needs more FABULOUS people like you – thanks for making a difference – You ROCK!
Blessings, Heidi
Your blog is awesome and such an inspiration…I can’t wait to read more later this evening! : )
I feel like printing this out and posting it on my refrigerator. It’s something I try to do, but you definitely put it in to words. Thanks for this!
I think you are completely right about putting the things that you value on the top of your list. It is interesting that you make it a point several times in this post that you do not eat organic food, however. Why is that?
Just stumbled across this via a good friend. I love it. Amazing advice. Advice I need to actively follow! :) you are such a talented writer!
Wow! This is so challenging and so inspiring. Just what I needed to hear right now!
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