Asher, my third son. Asher, named blessed, fortunate, and full of abundant life. Imagine that. Asher, blessed. Asher, fortunate. Asher. Full and whole. Having an abundant life.
Imagine that. My son. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. Born sick as could be. Imagine that.
I didn’t. I knew his labor would likely be fast and furious–like his two brothers’ before him. I was fairly certain that he’d have a head full of hair, as the other two had. I was certain that his daddy would adore him from the first moment. I didn’t imagine things wouldn’t go well, that we wouldn’t be just as blessed and fortunate as with our first boys.
Really, though, we were blessed. Of course, we were blessed. It is impossible not to be blessed when tiny feet and that baby soft skin are involved. But, oh, we did not feel fortunate.
Asher was sick. He was so sick. His tiny body couldn’t handle the immense infection that had invaded for some reason–we still don’t know the cause. The doctor’s words, “septic shock” and “body functions shutting down” still ring fuzzy in my ears. I still feel the sting of the hot sobs. I still remember wanting to get as close to the floor as possible, feeling like the world was spinning and wasn’t to be trusted. Things were not right. This baby, my baby, he should be well.
Today, as he is cutting his first teeth, as he is navigating the living room army style, as he giggles with abandon–I look back on the days he spent in the NICU. I remember the wracking heartbreak, the visceral fear, the uncontainable grief of those first hours and days.
I re-read through the comments on the posts from his time in the hospital…remembering how each prayer was answered in such a timely and direct way. Some of the women who commented are dear friends now–and I had forgotten they had been praying for my Asher. Gosh, I left out so much of the emotion and seriousness of that time…but, it floods back to me–even reading the “brave faced” and “optimistic” words.
Those days were a blur, but I know–without a doubt–that Asher, our sweet #3, he is blessed. He is fortunate. He is full of abundant life. We are so fortunate, so blessed beyond measure.
once sick, and now so well